I am too cheap to buy CDs. I buy single songs in MP3 from Amazon instead. Here is what I bought this week:
Vigilantes of Love:
Skin
Struggleville
Earth Has No Sorrow
Who Knows When the Sunrise Will Be
Weight of Glory (just for the title!)
16 Horsepower:
Scrawled in Sap
Patty Griffin:
Heavenly Day
Mary
Dave Matthews Band:
Space Between
American Baby
Rich Mullins:
These Days
Elijah
All of which cost me less than a CD and loads right onto my music player.
Clearing out the basement is exhausting but very amusing. Finding things I forgot I had, finding things I wish I didn't have. I am pushing it a little bit physically, though. I have to rest a lot.
We are going to the circus soon. All of us, Lee, the kids, and Nan. It will be the Friday night after Easter.
Easter being a pretty big deal in and of itself this year. For anyone that cares (one way or the other) the night before Easter will be when I am joining the church, at the Easter Vigil Mass. I watched the Mass last year, and it is an amazing service. Truly breathtaking, even, I think, if you're not into that kind of thing. The scripture readings are an overview of all of salvation history, starting in Genesis and going through the resurrection and the redemption of mankind. (I think we're all into that kind of thing!) A good portion of the mass is by candlelight, too, which is even cooler.
If anyone was wanting to have any friendly, casual dialogue about this whole thing *cough*Daddy*cough* before that time, I might casually mention that the time is running out!
Please continue to pray for us as we look for the right housing situation before the baby comes. And pray that I don't wear myself out.
Incidentally, my belly is soooo big. I have shiny new stretchmarks now, isn't that exciting?? lol :)
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Random Thoughts on A Wednesday Night
Yes, I am overwhelmingly busy, to the point where certain things (school, mostly) have to suffer slightly to make room for everything. It's been a looong time since I had this much on my mind and on my plate. That makes me cranky, and I don't like to write about it. I am just not into being that vulnerable in front of everybody. So here are some random nice things to keep you all reading my blog.
While Boo and I were doing dishes, the other night, he informed me that he could say the alphabet backwards. Why would a five year old wish to do such a thing, you may wonder? Where would he even get such a weird idea? I don't know. But he did it, and only needed help at like five spots. For a random endeavour, I thought that was pretty amazing. It is actually amazing how much unschool a sheltered, healthy child can pick up. By the way, he and Olivia are both having so much fun with the word thingydoodle they got from Nana for Boo's birthday. I made Boo some word lists and he puts them in to see what they are. It thrills us all.
Even though I'm not yet sure if I'll be yard gardening or container gardening this summer, I couldn't help ordering some seeds. Seeds make me happy. Who would have ever thought this geek girl would be so deeply thrilled by the idea of growing vegetables out of the ground? But gardening makes me feel so good, even though I truly am a black thumb. Lee makes fun of me for having such poor turnout, but he always buys me seeds again the next year. I guess that proves how happy it makes me.
Livvy is driving Nan crazy by beating up on her big brother (sigh) and jumping on the couch. At home she is not much trouble. Stubborn, yes, and we have an issue with her taking food out of the kitchen that needs to be nipped in the bud. But she and Nan just PUSH each other's buttons. It's funny because then at the end of the night she bawls for a hug and kiss from Nan, and Nan always gives it to her.
For anyone that hasn't seen me recently, I am now officially Huge. Oh, but I don't have gestational diabetes, so that is good news. I do have an iron deficiency, but I seem to always have that. Must remember to pick up iron pills.
Liv and Lij have also really enjoyed playing the the Aquadoodle they received from Michelle. Surely a mom must have invented that because it is a perfect toy. Everything hooks on, so there's no excuse for losing anything, and the worse thing they can do is spill a little water. What a joy.
Sorry about the lack of pictures. I just need new batteries for my camera.
Julius is still happy, hyper, and healthy. Sometimes I get out my Mobywrap and wear a bear next to my heart. Just for practice. It makes Lee rolls his eyes but again makes me happy. Must put batteries in the camera and post a picture of livvy in my wrap. Now that is precious - Livvy wearing a teddy bear. Well, you just have to see it to get it.
Please keep me in your prayers. I am overwhelmed right now, but holding on to His promises. I am drinking up Philippians right now. How amazing is this:
4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!
5
Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near.
6
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.
7
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
The rest of the book is just as good.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom. Again.
While Boo and I were doing dishes, the other night, he informed me that he could say the alphabet backwards. Why would a five year old wish to do such a thing, you may wonder? Where would he even get such a weird idea? I don't know. But he did it, and only needed help at like five spots. For a random endeavour, I thought that was pretty amazing. It is actually amazing how much unschool a sheltered, healthy child can pick up. By the way, he and Olivia are both having so much fun with the word thingydoodle they got from Nana for Boo's birthday. I made Boo some word lists and he puts them in to see what they are. It thrills us all.
Even though I'm not yet sure if I'll be yard gardening or container gardening this summer, I couldn't help ordering some seeds. Seeds make me happy. Who would have ever thought this geek girl would be so deeply thrilled by the idea of growing vegetables out of the ground? But gardening makes me feel so good, even though I truly am a black thumb. Lee makes fun of me for having such poor turnout, but he always buys me seeds again the next year. I guess that proves how happy it makes me.
Livvy is driving Nan crazy by beating up on her big brother (sigh) and jumping on the couch. At home she is not much trouble. Stubborn, yes, and we have an issue with her taking food out of the kitchen that needs to be nipped in the bud. But she and Nan just PUSH each other's buttons. It's funny because then at the end of the night she bawls for a hug and kiss from Nan, and Nan always gives it to her.
For anyone that hasn't seen me recently, I am now officially Huge. Oh, but I don't have gestational diabetes, so that is good news. I do have an iron deficiency, but I seem to always have that. Must remember to pick up iron pills.
Liv and Lij have also really enjoyed playing the the Aquadoodle they received from Michelle. Surely a mom must have invented that because it is a perfect toy. Everything hooks on, so there's no excuse for losing anything, and the worse thing they can do is spill a little water. What a joy.
Sorry about the lack of pictures. I just need new batteries for my camera.
Julius is still happy, hyper, and healthy. Sometimes I get out my Mobywrap and wear a bear next to my heart. Just for practice. It makes Lee rolls his eyes but again makes me happy. Must put batteries in the camera and post a picture of livvy in my wrap. Now that is precious - Livvy wearing a teddy bear. Well, you just have to see it to get it.
Please keep me in your prayers. I am overwhelmed right now, but holding on to His promises. I am drinking up Philippians right now. How amazing is this:
4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!
5
Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near.
6
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.
7
Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
The rest of the book is just as good.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom. Again.
Friday, February 15, 2008
A Description of Motherhood
A great description of Motherhood.... grab a tissue.
(received in an e-mail)
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." Butthat is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I think I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the warm, soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.
(received in an e-mail)
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." Butthat is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I think I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the warm, soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Please share this with a Mom that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Moms. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.
Monday, February 11, 2008
A Good Day
Did you ever have a day or two where you felt at the end of it that it just went exactly the way you wanted it to?
That was this weekend.
First, a few quotes that I don't want to forget.
After receiving ashes on his forehead on Ash Wednesday with his Mama, Elijah was exhorted with the same phrase that we all received - "Turn from sin, and be faithful to the gospel". For the rest of the day, anytime Boo and I locked horns, he said "Mommy, I'm turning from bad!" I couldn't figure out what he meant at first, then realized he was referencing the exhortation from church. That kid is a sponge.
On getting ready for Joe and Nicole to come over Saturday night, I needed to stop at the store for snacks - I was tired and didn't really want to go to the store, but there was nothing in the house to serve. Elijah said, "Don't worry about it Mommy. I can make them peanut butter and jelly."
And at 2 am Sunday morning, when Olivia padded out to see why Mom and Dad weren't in bed yet, Joe made the following comment which made me happy: "How come other people get angry kids, and you have happy kids?"
Anyway, back to the narration. I think I'll have to go backwards chronological - sorry about that, it's just how I think.
Olivia has been in need of some TLC. Because she is so hyperactive, she doesn't get to go out with me as much as Elijah. It's not favoritism; it's just not practical to take her to an hour-long doctor's appointment, for example. She just started to notice how much she gets left behind. So I decided she needed a special treat, and in a completely surprise move, I asked her Daddy to let her get her ears pierced. This is a little out of character for me, because I wasn't sure I wanted to get her ears pierced at all, let alone so early. But it just felt like the right kind of treat for the little princess. She has been admiring my earrings. She now has cute little pink studs. I am going to try to be more sensitive to situations where we can have special Mommy/Liv time.
Sunday was the Rite of Sending at our church in the morning, then the Call to Continuing Conversion for Candidates at the Cathedral in the amazing. In the morning, the coordinator of the RCIA program presented us to Fr. Weiss, and then Fr. presented us to the church with the approval and recommendation of our sponsors. Then the church was "sending" us to the Cathedral, to be recognized by the bishop. The Cathedral is pretty amazing. Michelle drove me to the Cathedral. It was bitter, bitter cold, and the wind was blowing so hard that it pushed our voices back into our mouths. The rite in the evening was beautiful, the music was amazing and the service was bilingual English and Spanish, and that was really, really cool. Our church is beautiful, too, though, and I got teary-eyes in the morning watching people receive communion and watching Father give a blessing to the little children who are too young to receive yet.
SMALLVILLE BUYS A SUIT
Today (Monday) Lee was able to attend a congressional hearing through his politics class in school. He got to meet Arlen Specter and have a photo taken with him. For this occasion, Lee needed to dress up - since he is really interested in politics right now, he wanted to make a good impression. So he went out Saturday afternoon after I got off work to be fitted for a suit. This is a Big Deal. It was a Big Moment for him. To Lee, it felt like this was a moment of becoming who he really is - stepping away from his past and into his future. I hope that comes across as I mean it to. I'm not sure I can put the feeling into words. Sometimes, you can just tell that something is important to someone, and even if you can't understand it, you can step back and enjoy it.
Nan got a picture of him in his suit - he looked so dashing it took my breath away. It made him feel good about himself. When I see Nan this week, I will upload the picture.
Although Lee is not an "A" student, his teachers love him because he is passionate and has a genuine interest in what he studies. This opens up a lot of doors for him.
Oh, and like I said, we had Joe and Nicole over on Saturday night. We watched Ghosthunters together and shared a half a case of Parrot Bay (yours truly excluded, but it smelled good anyway). I was so tired that I curled up on the futon around midnight - around 2:30 Lee told me to go to bed. Our friends stayed til about 4, just watching TV, listening to music, and talking about books. That was neat, though it made me really tired for Sunday (sorry again about the reverse chronological order there)
By the by, this is the most brutal pregnancy ever. I am in the bathroom constantly because a certain little someone never ever ever sits still (kind of like his big sister). But honestly, he is really active, and often to the point of pain. And he has almost three months to get bigger. This little one is definitely going to be a strong little man.
Now its Monday night. I was so beat after staying up so late Saturday, and Sunday's busy-ness, that I left work a little early (8.5 hours instead of 9.5). We took Nan for her yearly birthday dinner, then I found I was too tired to go to RCIA. Now I'm curled up at home and...zzzzzzz............
That was this weekend.
First, a few quotes that I don't want to forget.
After receiving ashes on his forehead on Ash Wednesday with his Mama, Elijah was exhorted with the same phrase that we all received - "Turn from sin, and be faithful to the gospel". For the rest of the day, anytime Boo and I locked horns, he said "Mommy, I'm turning from bad!" I couldn't figure out what he meant at first, then realized he was referencing the exhortation from church. That kid is a sponge.
On getting ready for Joe and Nicole to come over Saturday night, I needed to stop at the store for snacks - I was tired and didn't really want to go to the store, but there was nothing in the house to serve. Elijah said, "Don't worry about it Mommy. I can make them peanut butter and jelly."
And at 2 am Sunday morning, when Olivia padded out to see why Mom and Dad weren't in bed yet, Joe made the following comment which made me happy: "How come other people get angry kids, and you have happy kids?"
Anyway, back to the narration. I think I'll have to go backwards chronological - sorry about that, it's just how I think.
Olivia has been in need of some TLC. Because she is so hyperactive, she doesn't get to go out with me as much as Elijah. It's not favoritism; it's just not practical to take her to an hour-long doctor's appointment, for example. She just started to notice how much she gets left behind. So I decided she needed a special treat, and in a completely surprise move, I asked her Daddy to let her get her ears pierced. This is a little out of character for me, because I wasn't sure I wanted to get her ears pierced at all, let alone so early. But it just felt like the right kind of treat for the little princess. She has been admiring my earrings. She now has cute little pink studs. I am going to try to be more sensitive to situations where we can have special Mommy/Liv time.
Sunday was the Rite of Sending at our church in the morning, then the Call to Continuing Conversion for Candidates at the Cathedral in the amazing. In the morning, the coordinator of the RCIA program presented us to Fr. Weiss, and then Fr. presented us to the church with the approval and recommendation of our sponsors. Then the church was "sending" us to the Cathedral, to be recognized by the bishop. The Cathedral is pretty amazing. Michelle drove me to the Cathedral. It was bitter, bitter cold, and the wind was blowing so hard that it pushed our voices back into our mouths. The rite in the evening was beautiful, the music was amazing and the service was bilingual English and Spanish, and that was really, really cool. Our church is beautiful, too, though, and I got teary-eyes in the morning watching people receive communion and watching Father give a blessing to the little children who are too young to receive yet.
SMALLVILLE BUYS A SUIT
Today (Monday) Lee was able to attend a congressional hearing through his politics class in school. He got to meet Arlen Specter and have a photo taken with him. For this occasion, Lee needed to dress up - since he is really interested in politics right now, he wanted to make a good impression. So he went out Saturday afternoon after I got off work to be fitted for a suit. This is a Big Deal. It was a Big Moment for him. To Lee, it felt like this was a moment of becoming who he really is - stepping away from his past and into his future. I hope that comes across as I mean it to. I'm not sure I can put the feeling into words. Sometimes, you can just tell that something is important to someone, and even if you can't understand it, you can step back and enjoy it.
Nan got a picture of him in his suit - he looked so dashing it took my breath away. It made him feel good about himself. When I see Nan this week, I will upload the picture.
Although Lee is not an "A" student, his teachers love him because he is passionate and has a genuine interest in what he studies. This opens up a lot of doors for him.
Oh, and like I said, we had Joe and Nicole over on Saturday night. We watched Ghosthunters together and shared a half a case of Parrot Bay (yours truly excluded, but it smelled good anyway). I was so tired that I curled up on the futon around midnight - around 2:30 Lee told me to go to bed. Our friends stayed til about 4, just watching TV, listening to music, and talking about books. That was neat, though it made me really tired for Sunday (sorry again about the reverse chronological order there)
By the by, this is the most brutal pregnancy ever. I am in the bathroom constantly because a certain little someone never ever ever sits still (kind of like his big sister). But honestly, he is really active, and often to the point of pain. And he has almost three months to get bigger. This little one is definitely going to be a strong little man.
Now its Monday night. I was so beat after staying up so late Saturday, and Sunday's busy-ness, that I left work a little early (8.5 hours instead of 9.5). We took Nan for her yearly birthday dinner, then I found I was too tired to go to RCIA. Now I'm curled up at home and...zzzzzzz............
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