Rachel's Blog

How I Feel About Facebook

2011-03-05T11:29:00.003-05:00

A lot of people don't like Facebook. And I respect that. I see all the drama. And I understand people are worried about their privacy. But I love Facebook - I do. And here's why. If it weren't for Facebook:

I would not have spent four or so hours last night talk to my sister about life, being a woman, and of course, God.

I would not have had a wonderful conversation with my dear kindred spirit friend from high school about children and Amazon and teethers (and tack onto that ALL THE OTHER conversations we have had about children and marriage and crafting etc etc etc)

I would not be sending photos of my children to my mother five minutes after they are taken so that even when I don't get to see her all the time because life refuses to leave any spots open, at least she can see what my children look like every day.

I would not have, earlier this year, received a wonderful package of books in the mail for my children, from my friend's mom... who is now also my friend.

I would not have, last summer, been able to both receive and deliver an apology for something that happened in high school that, despite being long past, somehow made even the present just that much better.

I would not currently be reading slash critiquing the novels of one of my best friends who I have never met, a friend who I had shared many projects with in high school, but had previously lost touch with.

I probably would barely be aware of the fact that my second cousin had a beautiful baby girl, let alone be able to enjoy weekly photos and in-progress pictures of the beautiful nursery.

I would not currently be working with one of the loveliest mission-focused entrepreneurs in Central Pa.

I do not play games on Facebook. It's not that I don't like them. I liked them too much, so I mercilessly deleted all of them. For me, Facebook is for connecting with people, not for passing time. I have PLENTY to do without trying to make the time pass. I do not do quizzes on Facebook. I like those, too, but I don't need them to tell me who I am or who my true love is or whether or not I am 100% sexy today (We're holding at 85% today, thank you for asking). For me, Facebook was and is a way to find and stay connected with those people who are in different geographical locations, but I still want to be very close to my heart. And for that, I am grateful to be alive in 2011.

Snuggles Fitting 2003-2011

2011-01-31T21:59:00.000-05:00

Snuggles passed away today. Snuggles was Nan's faithful dog. She was almost the same age as Elijah, and grew up with all of my children. She was Nan's baby and was very spoiled.

Snuggles was having back-related pain for the last few weeks. She's been back and forth to the vet but there was nothing more they could do. When we went over today, Snuggles was crying every time she moved. She even pooped in her bed because she couldn't get up. We took her right to the vet, but there were no more options and Nan had to make the very difficult decision to have her put down. She loved her baby and didn't want her to be in anymore pain.

Snuggles was Nan's "grandbaby". She was her constant company, and was so spoiled that she even went to Graceland with us last year, riding along the 17-hour drive to Memphis.

Worse, it is almost 10 years to the day that Pap died, and Nan had to decide to pull the plug on him. The irony was not lost on her. The pain was made worse by the timing.

Olivia was with me when we took Nan home, and we all cried for what felt like hours. It hardly felt like a home without Snuggles. There must not be anything sadder than hearing a lonely old woman cry for the loss of her only comfort. The best company for her is a 6-year old who feels the loss just as keenly. They were well-matched in their sadness. I was glad to have Olivia with me. After Olivia's tears, Gabe woke up from his laughter, and that was the next best thing to have, the perfectly innocent laugh of a baby who doesn't know what sadness is and only wants to grab Nanny's nose.

I'm rambling now. I'm very sad.

Special Friends

2011-01-31T21:18:00.000-05:00

These are the pictures from our evening with our friends, "Uncle" Jon and "Aunt" Sesi.

It's funny

2011-01-30T17:14:00.000-05:00

It's funny how life works.

It's funny how Gabe wriggled in my arms all day and when I laid him own or put him in the high chair or in his jumper, he cried. Today I just set him on the floor with the "big" kids and now he is very happy. I guess he just wanted to be a legitimate member of the family, since he can get around a bit now.

It's funny how God puts people together. I am an intensely jealous person in my heart, yet God put me with someone who never gives me a second of hesitation. I can't even count how many girls this past year have posted "I want you to make me feel like I am the only girl in the world".... Lee always makes me feel like that. In fact, he's gotten better about it over time, not less.

It's funny how I wanted to work so badly yesterday while Gabe wouldn't let me, and now that I have a break, I just want to veg. I have real work to do. Excuse me! :)

Gabe

2011-01-30T08:30:00.002-05:00

I would find it much easier to be mad at him if he would stop looking at me like I'm his bestest friend in the whole wide world.

This week

2011-01-29T21:16:00.000-05:00

...I have been insanely motivated to do all sorts of productive and fascinating things. But I have an 8-month old who wants one thing: to stay awake and wriggle in Mom's arms.

Laughter is the Best [Natural] Medicine

2011-01-25T23:07:00.000-05:00

Lunch at the Olive Garden

2011-01-25T22:48:00.002-05:00

So, I turned 30 yesterday. And Nan took me to Olive Garden, as she always does. It's my very favorite restaurant. And if you want to know what I ate, I ordered the Asiago Ravioli with chicken, which was very, very good.

And if you want to know how I felt about turning 30, the truth is, I did not feel very good about it. I felt like a failure, like I should have done more and done better by now. I don't make a habit of beating myself up - okay, okay, I do. I just don't usually admit it.

I'm fine now. It was just hairy. I have achieved a lot.

And I have been given a lot.

And I know the next 30 years will be even better.

Painting a Tea Set

2011-01-23T00:22:00.000-05:00

Olivia received a paintable tea set for Christmas. All the kids painted it together, even Boo.

I kinda sorta accidentally left my camera up at Jackie's so that I have to use Lee's phone to take pictures.

I love the creativity. They all got into it very enthusiastically.

I Heart Gabe

2011-01-23T00:18:00.001-05:00

If this doesn't make you melt... eh, well it does me.

We were waiting in the car while Daddy had a job interview. Elijah was holdin Gabe while all the kids watched a movie. I told Olivia not to get into the picture.. LOL.

Friends

2011-01-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

This is an older picture, I will get pictures from tonight later this coming week.

We got to spend time with our friends Mr. and Mrs. Jon and Sesi Whaley. Yeah, the Mr. and Mrs. isn't necessary, I just like seeing it. :) They married in September of the past year, and we couldn't have been happier about that. Jon has been Lee's best friend since high school. Actually, that's kind of funny - we all met on the same day, first day of school, 1999. Lee and Jon became friends right away in Spanish class. I was sitting on the other side of Lee (but I was in German class - small school!), but Lee and I didn't start dating until the end of the year. Ahhh, good times. Anyway, Jon and Sesi were married in September, and we love Sesi. She is sweet and strong and very good for Jon. So seeing them is always awesome.

The kids love Sesi, too, as well as their Uncle Jon. Olivia loves to crawl up in Aunt Sesi's lap. Tonight, Gabriel spent some time in Aunt Sesi's lap, too. He gazed up at her as if in awe. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. It was precious. I can't wait until Sesi gets to hold a little one of her own. I pray that God will bless them with children early. That is a very selfish prayer on my part! But you won't catch me taking it back!

Jon and Sesi love Nan, too, which makes it extra special. We all met at Nan's house, and shared dinner. Jon had a special present for Nan, a classic bust of Elvis from the 1970s. I have to get a picture of this thing. It was a very thoughtful present. They had presents for the rest of us, too, including Mario shirts for all the kids. That was great!!

Four Words Friday

2011-01-21T20:47:00.001-05:00

How did I do with my four words this week?

Passion

This one I did the best with - big surprise there... not! I finished a basic web page for my business. We picked and registered a domain name and looked into what we would have to do to register as a business this year. Lee and I did a LOT of brainstorming this week about what our business will look like and different ways we can branch out. I don't want to go into too much detail yet. For now, the first step for me is fleshing out my portfolio, bringing together examples of all the work that I have done.

Routine

I got my dishes done before bed 5 days out of 7. I am going to add folding one load of laundry to my morning routine. I had that down patlast year, too, and it has fallen off. So let's ge those two things going.

Beauty

Yeah, my tree is not down yet. Oops. This weeks new goal is to get the tree down and get rid of two bags of clutter. My friend Kathleen posted an awesome suggestion today about adding beauty to the place where you do your dishes. Considering it takes me an hour or more each day to do all the dishes, this is an AWESOME idea that I would like to pursue this week.

Dependence

The kids have their verse down pat. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." I read from the scripture about 5 days out of 7 - correlation to the prior routine? Maybe. I am going to move onto a new verse. I want one for Elijah that is about the Lord never leaving us, because he had an issue this week where he was afraid that his father and I were going to, in his words, "take me to the donation place where people donate their kids." Ouch.

Random Pics of the Kids

2011-01-20T01:03:00.002-05:00

How I Am Like A Pen

2011-01-18T10:23:00.001-05:00

The first assignment for my speech class is an introductory speech. We are to choose an item and then describe two ways in which we are like that item, with specific details. I asked Lee to help me brainstorm, and this is what he came up with. I am definitely going to use it.

"I've got it," he said. "A calligraphy pen."

My interested was piqued. "Okay, let's hear it."

"Okay, well, then pen is mightier than the sword, right? Because words are very powerful and can be used for a lot of things. But a calligraphy pen, when used the right way, can create beautiful works of art. Like you do. It just depends on how you use it."

I'll flesh it out later. I'll probably post the whole speech when it's done. But it's a good start and I like it.

Elijah Likes to Talk

2011-01-17T23:41:00.000-05:00

Elijah likes to come into the bedroom when I'm nursing Gabe. He knows I kick everybody out so Gabe can fall asleep, so he sees this as his opportunity for one-on-one time. He usually announces himself with, "Can we talk?" This week's topics have included:

How much he loves the Mario blanket his dad picked for him for Christmas. This was repeated a lot.

His top Christmas presents: Ben 10 Omnitrix, Mario Brothers Fleece Blanket, Darth Vader Alarm Clock. We talked about how nice it was that Dad picked those particular presents our for him specially. I am trying to build a nice segue for the inevitable discovery that all presents are picked by somebody who loves him specially, not a jolly man in a red coat. I have a feeling this will be the year. And I have a feeling Olivia will be right behind him, because her brain just works differently than his.

Our family, and what a "special" baby Gabe is. Elijah likes to talk about what a good baby Gabe is, how smart he is to be crawling and talking so early, and much we all love the baby. How our family is the best family in the world.

How much he likes his bed, and how he never wants to trade back with Olivia. This is a Big Deal. The kids found some spiders in the ceiling corner last year, and for awhile neither one would sleep up top. Both of them slept on the bottom bunk. Now Elijah has his nest up there, with his lego tote, his solar system model (another Christmas present), and his clothing tote. Now Julius sleeps on the bottom bunk with Olivia, on the full sized mattress underneath, about half the time (the other half he is still next to me). Elijah is happy with this arrangement. He likes his private space.

These are just this week's serious topics. Elijah has also liked to talk to me about God, space, tornadoes, heaven, his siblings, and various movies and games. He also likes to tease and scare me, using the same deadpan humor as his father.

Given that his father and I regularly discuss free will vs. predestination, Church history, physics, comic books, world history, American history, value systems, ecology, music, oh, I'd better just stop and say EVERYTHING, it should be no surprise to me that this firstborn son of ours like to sit down and have a good deep chat.

Splish Splash...

2011-01-16T21:45:00.001-05:00

This one is for the grandmothers. Mine, particularly, but also, all grandmothers everywhere. And any random sisters that happen to be living somewhere equally random like, say, Oklahoma. Or wherever. Ahem.

For those who don't know the inner workings of my life, the woman in the video is my husband's grandmother, Nan. Nan is an interesting human being. She loves my children very much, and she loves Lee and I, as well. She is the widow of Pap, the "George" that Elijah was named after. Pap was funny and irresponsible, Nan was the "straight man" of the duo who kept her partner in line. She was 16 when she married Pap, and they stayed together despite many of the hurdles of a life-long marriage. At different times she locked Pap out of the house because he was drunk, charged him $10 per aspirin for a hangover, refused to speak for him for days, and even left for a motel for a week until something changed. Through all that, she loved her husband with her life and was completely broken when he died. Nan can be very hard to get along with, but Lee and I are committed to spending time with her, and we have been blessed in many ways because of it. Sometimes I get very mad at her, but at the same time, she is one of the most important people in my life. She says things that hurt and are hard to hear, yet she would empty her bank account to buy new winter coats for my kids and even me if she thinks we need it.

Nan is not a believer, nor even a very happy person, and I ask God for ways to reach her that might mean something to her, and in the day to day I just do my best to be Jesus to her. Yet instead I find myself more blessed by her, because you truly can't outgive God. He reaches out to me from all corners, showing love from all sources, shining light from all the shadows. Anytime in life that I have arrogantly set out to try and bless someone through myself, I always find myself humbled and more blessed back. God is funny that way.

Nursing a Sick Baby

2011-01-16T09:48:00.001-05:00

I wish everybody could get the chance to nurse a sick baby. It is the most wonderful feeling. There is no sweeter way to lose sleep than to snuggle next to baby whose only comfort is snuggling with Mama.

I have always kept the children in the room with me, so that I can be woken by the slightest snuffle. I know that is not the way of life for most families, but for Lee and I, it is joy. Lee is just as happy as I am to wake up to baby smiles and giggles, and that is yet another reason why I love him, and another reason why the whole thing works so well.

Last night, Goob was all snuffly and feverish. I knew he was feverish because I could feel how hot his skin was while he was sleeping, not because I needed a $50 skin thermometer (though these look amazingly helpful for those times when you really feel you need that number). He woke up several times during the night all stopped up. You wouldn't think warm milk would make someone who is stopped up feel better, but it comforted and soothed him, and I helped him change position so he would breathe more freely.

If he had been in another room, he would have had to get upset enough to cry to get comfort. Because he was right next to me, he just has to harumph enough to get my attention. It is lovely. And did I mention that comforting him is the most wonderful feeling in the world?

Brainstorming

2011-01-15T13:46:00.000-05:00

The brainstorming over here right now is crazy. Lee and I have come up with the best business ideas ever featuring our combined loves of history, photography, geocaching, design, and travel. My brain is buzzing. His brain is buzzing. I love it when our brainwaves just line up and harmonize and everything else two people can do in sync.

Four-Words Friday

2011-01-14T08:42:00.001-05:00

How did I do with my four words this week?

Passion

This week, we suffered an Internet outage at our house, so we "only" has access to our email and Facebook through our phones. Since I had a lull in school and work anyway, this gave me some time to stretch my skills for my own ends. I began to put together a webpage advertising my own skills. I am still brainstorming a name for my actual business, but I found that I have a much clearer idea of what I want to "do" and so found the ability to write the content for my page much easier. I practiced CSS, HTML, and PHP and learned a few new CSS tricks.

Last year I made the choice to not buy webspace because I wasn't doing much with it at the time. That was a big mistake because when different opportunities presented themself throughout the year, I wasn't prepared for them. This week I purchased webspace through 1&1 Web Hosting who I have been working with through my friend's web account. I have been very pleased with the service in the last few months, and I feel comfortable with their control panel and what they offer. They are running a good deal right now, so I signed up right away and started building the website for the business Lee and I are brainstorming right now.

Routine

I have decided that I will add one chore to my daily routine each week until I am completely and perfectly organized. This week's chore will be the one that I had already established, but let go over the holidays - getting the dishes done each night. Have a house full of clean dishes is a convenience and a luxury that I deserve, and so I will give it to myself. Starting last night. :)

Beauty

I can not honestly say that I have done one thing to pursue Beauty this past week, unless you count graphics, and we are not counting graphics. The goal this coming week will be to take down the Christmas decorations and clean all the inside windows until they sparkle. I have decided to include decluttering in Beauty, too. Decluttering will be the act of me sculpting away at the block of my life to find the Venus de Milo underneath. Okay, that made me laugh.

Dependence

The Bible verse I am going to teach this children this coming week: Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For a small house full of small children who are constantly bumping into one another - both literally and figuratively - I think this one will be useful. It is one of the verses I learned in Missionettes when I was a little girl. I have been very sloppy about learning verses as an adult, which is a shame because the ones that I have are invaluable tools. I don't know if this happens to others or not, but I find that when I am upset I tend to repeat the same ugly, negative phrases over and over until I believe them. Doesn't anybody care about MY feelings? Is it so much to ask for a little help? I am the only adult in this household. And other little beauties that need to be purged. Over and over we say these things in our head, and soon they are our truth. Well, this trick works with positive words, too. So I will say it again: Bear Ye One Another's Burdens, and So Fulfill the Law of Christ.

Old Photoshop Projects

2011-01-07T00:12:00.000-05:00

These are old photoshop projects from my photoshop class in 2008. I am posting them a) so I can show them off to my mother and b) so they don't get lost because they were just sitting in my school files and I doubt they will stay there forever.

A new technique I learned in class, "Feather and Stroke." Fun.

Filter applications. Like I haven't been doing those since I was 15.

This was the original picture before the above enhancements. This is from Rehoboth and I miss this beach very much.

This was to prove I could make an animated gif.

Puppy Love

2011-01-06T14:31:00.000-05:00

Getting a dog as a puppy is a ROYAL PAIN.

That being said....

Charlie was ADORABLE. And although he is not as much of a puppy-look as he was, he is still a very attractive looking dog.

Moving Four-Words

2011-01-05T21:57:00.000-05:00

My friend Kathleen has posted her four words to live by this year. I think this is a wonderful idea and I am going to do it myself. Here are my four words:

Passion

Lee and I have both learned a lot about following our passions this year. Lee is looking forward to following a passion of his this year - photography. He may have found a part-time job (yay!) that would fit into all of our school schedules and still allow us time to follow what we are actually interested in. The neat thing about photography is that it could combine all of his jillion other interests and make some money off of them.

As I am writing this, Elijah has his arm around me while he plays a game. If that doesn't sum up my passions, I don't know what does. It has been a long term goal of mine to be able to work at home while hanging out with my kids and learning with them. I have been able to do some work from home this year, including some web design, some banner ad design, and some work as a virtual assistant for a small business owner. All of this has really helped me narrow down what my passion is, and I see very exciting things coming this year as I learn to market myself.

Routine

My house is always a little over the top messy. I like to clean. When I go to friends' houses, I clean for fun. But I can never get my own house clean. It's always nuts. But I know that if I can establish a simple routine for morning, evening, and weekly, I can get it under control and take control of myself. I have been progressing in this area a LOT this past year, but Christmas kicked my butt. There will also be a lot of decluttering this year!

Beauty

A friend of mine has been teaching me a lot about Beauty this year, and how it can change a woman's life! Woman are called to beauty, it is part of our ministry here on the Earth. It takes many forms. When I look at my life, I can see that it is something that I have neglected and that would be beneficial to me. I have not taken enough time to pamper myself or my environment. I am excited to learn more about this in the coming year. I also want to learn from my mom, who is always pursuing beauty through fun things like eclectic dish collections and beautiful jewelry.

Dependence

2010 was a good year for me spiritually. I have really been able to draw close to the Lord and lean on Him when things are hard, instead of leaning on bad habits. This year I would like to go to Confession more regularly as well as teach the children to memorize a few scripture verses. I would also like to start to let go of the food addiction / sugar addiction that I still deal with regularly so that I can lean on Him more fully.

What's in a name?

2011-01-04T17:58:00.001-05:00

Today's journal prompt was about my name. I like my name, I always have. My name is Rachel Nanette Bostwick. My maiden name was Beaver. When I still carried that maiden name, I didn't put my real name on-line because I knew I was vulnerable. Now I sleep beside a big man with a loaded gun, so I am not afraid to share my name with the world.

My mother gave me my name. Rachel is a name from the Bible, the beloved wife of the patriarch Jacob. My siblings and I - all 15 of us - have Biblical first names. I think Rachel was also a character that my mom liked.

Nanette was even more significant. Nanette is the diminutive form of Nancy, which is the name of both of my grandmothers. Nanette was also the middle name of my mother's sister, Tanya Nanette, who died as a young girl.

Lee and I have carried on a tradition of significant middle names. For our children, we picked first names that were attractive and middle names that meant something to us.

To Elijah, our oldest, we gave the middle name of George. George Howard Fitting was Lee's beloved grandfather who passed away months after Lee and I were married. Lee and I married as teenagers (18 and 19) and lived with his grandmother and grandfather for the first few months of our marriage. This was crucial to the success of our marriage, because by observing the unusual, humorous dynamic between Lee's grandparents, I was able to understand Lee's quirky sense of humor and backwards way of showing love. On my 20th birthday in 2001, Lee and I went out to Chocolate World to celebrate. We were going to come home and open presents. While we were gone, George had a heart attack. He never recovered even enough to say goodbye, though we opened my presents in his hospital room while he was on life support. I still have the blue and white flower shaped jewelry box that Pap picked out for me. Calling Elijah George was an easy decision that we both agreed on.

To Olivia, our second-born and only daughter, we gave the middle name Nanette. I have always been proud of my middle name and was eager to pass the name on to my little girl. I love nicknames, but for some reason, no nickname has ever really stuck to Olivia. But when I am angry, "NANETTE!!" often slips out.

To Julius, our third-born, we gave the middle name Artorius. Artorius is the romanized form of Arthur, the legendary hero-king who my husband idolized in his childhood. King Arthur was also a hero of mine, and I had always wanted to name a child Arthur so that I could call him "Wart", like the Arthur of T. H White's Sword in the Stone. I do call Julius Wart when I want his attention!

And to Gabriel, our youngest, we gave the middle name Chester. The year before Gabe was born, we lost another family member, Uncle Jerry. Uncle Jerry was a patriach of the Bostwick clan. He had no children of his own, but treated my husband and his siblings like his own, and sheltered nearly every member of the Bostwick family at one time or another. He lost the fight against lung cancer in July of 2009. His full name was Chester Gerald Keath (this is how Lee's youngest brother CG got his name - CG's full name is C.G. Keith Bostwick - just like that, with the initials for the first name!). His family misses him very much. He always loved the children and would have loved to meet Gabriel Chester, I am certain.

Reading

2011-01-03T15:50:00.000-05:00

I received a lovely journal for Christmas with prompts to help document my life for posterity (AKA Olivia). (Tee Hee). I am going to participate in a 31 posts in 31 days challenge for January, so if nothing exciting happens, I will take prompts from my journal Today I am asked what one of my favorite activities was as a child.

To say that I loved books as a child would be a gross understatement. My first novel was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl. I read it in first grade and then moved on to Nancy Drew. In grade school, I loved the Bunnicula series, The Indian in the Cupboard series and The Fairy Rebel by Lynne Reid Banks, plus any mysteries I could find. When I got older I moved into the Babysitters Club Series (I learned everything about babysitting from them!), the Chronicles of Narnia, Little House on the Prairie (it always irked my inner literalist that these books were under fiction when they were true!), Dealing With Dragons, Jeremy Thatcher Dragon Hatcher, The Sword in the Stone, the Landover Series by Terry Brooks. I never stopped reading. I never read because someone wanted me to, I read because I loved it. I would disappear into a book. My father scolded me many times for reading at the dinner table. I read on picnics, in the car, on planes, in company and all by myself. I had excellent grammar not because I studied it but because I had a vast exposure to the written word.

And then I grew up and married someone who loved to read as much as I do, and we often read at the dinner table. Actually the dinner couch, we don't really have a kitchen table. But the theory is there.

I still have most of the paperbacks I read as a child, as well as the addition thousand or so that my husband and I have picked up along the way.

As an adult my tastes have broadened even farther. I have read almost all of Michael Crichton, devoured the Harry Potter series multiple times, read all of Dan Brown, read much theology. I still read children's books more than anything. I have read Tad Williams 4000-page series Otherland three or four times. I am reading four different fiction books right now.

And that's not even getting into non-fiction...

A New Tradition

2011-01-02T22:41:00.001-05:00

Our Christmases have been so overwhelming the last few years. I am very gratefulfor the BOUNTY that is poured out on us - honestly, it is wonderful. But I decided to start a new tradition this year. Today was the Feast of the Epiphany - the day that we celebrate the visit of the Wisemen to baby Jesus. I decided to save our children's stockings for this day, whenwe could have a small, low-key celebration. We read the story of the visitation from the book of Matthew, then the children opened their stockings. It was a fun way to stretch out the Christmas holiday for them, and they had more appreciation for the little gifts in their stockings. It was a fun day. So low-key, I forgot to take pictures. Maybe next time ;)

Lee's Christmas Present to Me

2010-12-31T16:30:00.000-05:00

This is the beautiful Celtic knotwork jewelry box that Lee bought me for Christmas. He wanted to get me a jewelry box that was unique and interest with a fantasy kind of flair. It is perfect. ♥ He actually consulted me about it, because he said he didn't know who to ask or where to look. We decided together to check out the local Celtic gifts shop, because we have had such good luck there before.

Each of these gift boxes were nested in tissue paper and each box was individually wrapped in wrapping. He went to a lot of effort in the presentation.

Inside each box were several beautiful pieces of hemp and bead jewelry that Lee picked for me. He chose each piece himself as a surprise to me. Each piece was individually wrapped inside the small boxes. Each piece is especially beautiful. They are sturdy and can't be broken by tiny grabby hands but also richly lovely and colorful. There are more pieces with pink and purple hemp but I am wearing them right now.

This is so wonderful and lovely I don't even have the words. Lee is a talented and loving gift-giver. On Christmas day, I felt like there was no one else in the world receiving as thoughtful and loving a gift as this. When Lee told me about it later, he said some lovely things that I can't even put into words, but I will ponder them in my heart.

2010-2011

2010-12-31T16:23:00.000-05:00

I haven't felt like writing since Poppa died. Poppa was my paternal grandfather who I loved very much. My mother took care of him for the last few years, being his contact person for assisted living, taking him crackers and medicine and little bottles of soda and the elusive Utz pretzel bits. She asked me if I wanted to go with her, and for the last year and a half or so, we took all my kids along to see him about once a week. He always knew who we were, even through the haze of his sleepy mind and was always so happy to see us and the kids. He loved to get hugs from all of them, and they loved him, too. His death was not a shock: the last two years were a very long goodbye. A good part of him was already gone. But still, it hurt a lot. For awhile every time I saw an old man hat, I cried. It was also the first time that I had seen the dead body of another human that I had loved. So that was intense, and sharing that with the kids was intense.

That was one of the hardest parts of 2010. But another part has been Lee's unemployment. I don't like to talk about it because it is a difficult subject for me. Lee has been unemployed for the better part of 2010. This has been due to a combination of factors. Some of it is Lee's difficulty in choosing a career path. It is in his personality to be a "jack of all trades, master of none". He is interesting and fun, and he has a hard time focusing on one long term project. It is in his nature to solve a problem and then move on. This has made him invaluable around the house - he has fied computer problems, electrical problems, automotive problems. He is amazing. But to settle in a job that would require him to specialize is very difficult. I sympathize with that totally, because I have a very similar personality. But that doesn't make the day to day any easier. In addition, the job market is much leaner now, so finding a long-term job is harder for someone without a specialty - and bsically impossible for someone with an Associates degree in History but no job experience outside of customer service and the food industry. He is currently pursuing a Bachelor's in the computer industry that will be helpful in the future, but he's still a year away from graduating, or a maybe more depending on how many extra credits he needs due to the change in major. This is all further complicated by the fact that he is perpetually depressed (usually the only thing that can make him smile is the kids or me) and nearly always angry at God. When he does get excited about something, the reality usually falls short of the excitement, and then he crashes again. It's hard to deal with, and it often is my "fault". Sometimes it really is my fault, sometimes it's just because I am the closest to him. All of it takes its toll on our marriage.

   I don't know how Lee would feel about me writing all of this down. I feel like I am representing him fairly, and I hope that is truth. Since I am sharing this, I would also like a take a minute to say what I love about Lee. He has a very good and generous heart. He wants nothing more than to be able to give the world to me and his kids. He is very interesting and fun to talk to. We get along very well because we both love learning and thinking and analyzing the world around us. We are always tearing apart all of the preconceptions of the world. He is faithful, sober, ad fun. He has taught me a lot about real love, an how one person can truly love another without asking for anything in return. I know that God put us together for good reasons, to help me to grow as a person. Truly I love the man.

   So here comes 2011. Here is what is already exciting about this year:

   School. I am taking two on-campus classes. Sort of. I am taking courses that are actually located at two local high schools, which will save me having to drive into the city. I have to take a required speech course (oh joy) and also a Philosophy class which is a required elective. The Philosophy class is given by a teacher of Lee's who he has been urging me to take for awhile. This teacher asks Lee to attend her classes at no cost to him just to stimulate discussion. Seriously. I am very excited to study under her for a semester. These will be my first live classes since high school - the rest have all been on-line courses.

   Within the next few weeks, Lee is going to start taking Elijah to Cub Scouts. Very excited about this!

   That's about it. We are aiming to move in the Spring, to a house with a little more room, but more importantly, in a little better shape than our current house. Part of us doesn't want to move because we love ou neighbors and feel very safe and comfortable. But our house here was never meant to be permanent, and we have about outlived it - lasted 2 years longer than I thought we would really!

   Well, this has been very cathartic. Actually I feel a lot better putting it down in words. I feel like now I can move into the New Year with a little enthusiasm. :)

Housebreaking

2010-10-18T00:52:00.000-05:00

I have never housebroken a dog before, and I have never wanted to. It is, in fact, on the short list of things that I have believed myself to be incapable of doing.

But Lee always wanted a puppy. Not a dog. A puppy. To grow up with the kids.

I had this imaginary conversation with God in my head about it.

Me: So you want me to take care of a dog and a cat now, huh?

God. Yup. It will make Lee happy.

Me: So, that's nice. So, yeah. It'll make Lee happy, huh

God. Yup.

Me: Okay. Fine. Fine. I will add litter pan duties and housebreaking a puppy to my already sizable list of poo-related duties. One condition, though.

God. Yes?

Me: I would like my salary doubled.

God. Deal.

Me: Oh, hey, wait....

Despite having potty-trained two children SO FAR, the housebreaking thing just didn't sit well with me. But I have been reading up on The Dog Whisperer, and we bought a crate for the pooch. The first time I put him in it, he cried, but all subequent times he has stayed in for at least half an hour after eating. Then we walk and empty the tank ouside, and back inside again. Repeat when its time to eat. I feel pretty good about it right now.

These are the books of his that I am reading:

Cesar's Way: The Natural, Everyday Guide to Understanding and Correcting Common Dog Problems

and How to Raise the Perfect Dog: Through Puppyhood and Beyond

One thing Cesar (the Dog Whisperer) says is that he thinks that dogs come into our lives for reasons. Since that's exactly how I think, it really resonated with me. I think Charlie has come into my life to help me get away from being so sedentary, because you really have to keep up with a dog. I can delegate some of the walking, but mostly I have to walk him myself, because he doesn't take the kids seriously yet.

Also in the category of becoming less sedentary, I got a new pair of shoes. Don't laugh. I got a pair of those Skechers Shape Ups. And you know what? I love them. They are the shoes that don't really sit still because they are shaped like a rocker, so they are supposed to make your legs stronger and help you lose weight. Now I don't know about all that. I don't think a pair of shoes is really going to help you lose weight. But what I like about these is that they are fun to wear. They literally rock me into my next step. That sounds weird, but it's fun. They are literally "fun to wear". For someone with a short attention span, that makes a huge difference. I haven't taken them off since I bought them. My feet are happy. Okay, fine, you can laugh.

It is way past my bedtime, and Julius is standing next to me begging to go to bed. Little goofyhead. Know what makes me happy right now? I could literally boss him around all day just to hear him lisp "Mes, Ma'am." I don't remember teaching him to say "Yes, ma'am," I think he just picked it up from the big kids. But like everything else about my little Wart, it is endlessly charming.

Pippen continues to be a perfect specimen of cat. We haven't had anymore disappearances, so far. He's a real lover.

Special Treasures

2010-10-07T02:26:00.000-05:00

There are certain things that are just fun to collect. My thing right now is containers.

These cheesy ones cost me $1.50 for the set. I wanted them to help get my "project closet" corralled. The big containers are for sets of things. The shakers are for m homemade baby powder and Lee's different seasoning blends.

I turned them around and used a dry erase to mark what is in each one. Change the contents, change the markings. It washes right off.

The oils, for example, were just sitting loose in the closet. This will be much easier.

I have been collecting little tins to put my salves and rubs in, instead of using ugly butter tubs like last year. I wanted to collect pill boxes for lip balms, but haven't found many.

The top stoneware are vintage from 1970. I have seen them sell as is on Etsy just for the vintage awesomeness, but I am in love with them. I want to make something to put in them for gifts, like maybe lovely-smelling bath salts. The bottom two are mustard and cheese spread crocks, saved for salves or maybe to store lozenges.

The white is a beautiful liquor bottle. I boil-sterlized it, and when I make cough syrup in a week or two here, this beautiful bottle will hold it.

The green is just a pretty bottle. It needs a cork. It has Christmas present ideas.

Easy Finds

2010-10-07T02:05:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you find exactly what you are looking for. I needed two pair of jeans...

...and found two that fit me. I forgot how much I LOVE jeans. $6.00 for two pair. This pair is Old Navy.

And one of these:

Now honestly, massaging foot baths are a dime a dozen at the thrift store. Apparently a LOT of people buy them, use them twice, then realize they are more trouble than they are worth But hubby is working very hard right now, and when he casually mentioned that his feet would love a massaging soak, I told him I would hook him up. As an added bonus, the kids took turns soaking their feet all evening and were pretty much entertained. $3.00 ($5.99 - half off day.)

My Handy-Dandy (Thrifting on a Theme)

2010-10-07T01:48:00.001-05:00

I think it was a year ago that we put "Blue's Clues Stuff" on our running thrift store list. At first, we looked and looked and found nothing. But then we started to find little things, like beanie babies and baby toys like the one below.

Then we found a fridge that identified colors and shapes with Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper's voices. That was played with endlessly.

On day, my Mommi found a beautiful, high quality Blue plush. She meant to save it for Christmas... but she didn't.

Then another day... I found this. A thinking chair. THE thinking chair. It cost SIX WHOLE DOLLARS.

But it was so worth it.

If you don't know about Blue's Clues, it's OK. This is a central part of the show. It means something to Jules, who is a Blue's Clues afficionado. Now he can sit in his thinking chair and think... think... think.

I meant to save it for Christmas.

But I didn't.

Then today, the children spotted this. It was n a grab bag that we had to pay three dollars for. It was drawn all over and looked pretty junky. But I had done my homework. I knew what I was looking at. These bad boys go for $30 new on Amazon. The pages are erasable. They are laminated. So I bought the bag, scrubbed the notebook down, and wrote Julius's name in the book in a nice dry erase marker.

Now he has a Thinking Chair AND a Handy-Dandy Notebook. Now we can solve Blue's Clue whenever we want!!

What's the point? The point is, if you go to the second hand shops regularly(we try to go once a week) and know what you are looking for, you will eventually strike gold. These toys I got for Jules they don't make anymore. We have spent a total of MAYBE $20 for three or four times that in retail, an ten times that in fun and joy. You just can't get that kind of value at Wal*Mart.

Charlie

2010-10-04T01:39:00.001-05:00

Olivia got sick first. She had a hoarse throat for a full 24 hours before the others kicked in. Last night I rubbed her down with my homemade vapor rub. Tonight Elijah and Julius got in on the vapor rub excitement. Elijah has a minor sore throat. I don't think Jules is sick at all. But Gabe... poor baby Gabe is coughing and he has the strong smell of infection. Poor Baby.

We got a puppy.This is Charlie. He's a real puppy, as in yours truly (with help) will be housebreaking. But I have read the advice of Cesar so I have no fear. Actually it's honestly going fine so far. Lee has wanted a real puppy for a very long time. We are working on mving out to the country so this will help him be motivated. And he picked a beagle specially because they are good kid dogs. The dog loves Lee the best but plays with everybody. Pippen (the spelling is official now) is wary but not violent, so that's good. I'm making sure his royal highness gets lots of love. All in all, things are going well in the clan. We are now a dog-cat-bird-child family and that's what we've always wanted to be. I didn't expect it all to happen so fast but it is fun that way. That's the craziness of living with the Chief.

On another positive note, I think Charlie will be just the thing to get me out of bed in the morning. I don't want to fall into the trap of sleeping in late with the Chief, because I have no goal of staying up until 3am like he will be doing. Instead, I would like to be up earlyish to do school with the kids. Charlie needs to be walked first thing -the consequence being a mess for me to pick up and an established bad habit for the little guy. Once I am out of bed to walk him, I won't want to go back down. So that will work just nicely.

How True

2010-09-30T17:00:00.000-05:00

His Father: You are a good boy, Julius.
Julius: No. I not a good boy.
HF: Are you a bad boy?
J: No, I not a bad boy.
HF: Then what are you?
J: I yam Joo-lee-us.

Weeping Endures for a Night

2010-09-13T11:21:00.003-05:00

Saturday morning, Lee was browsing Craiglist as he does most days. This particular morning he looked over at me and said, "How about we get a cat?"

Apparently, an ad had caught his eye. So we throw the kids into the van, pick up some kitty litter, and we have a cat within an hour and a half of the idea. That's the way Lee works. And when Lee gets a gut instinct like that, it always works.

Pippin was perfect from the minute I took him in my arms. He had a loud, happy purr that starts when you think about touching him. He's about 8 months old, and he loves people. He doesn't mind the kids' antics and he crawls up on Lee's chest while he is playing video games. We are all in love.

Last night Pippin ran away.

We weren't sure when we stopped hearing his collar bell, but we weren't too worried. He is a good hider. So we searched. And searched. For an hour. Despair set in. I circled the house, calling for him three times. Finally Lee said I had to go to bed. I held back a sob - how could I tell the kids we had already lost the cat we were all so in love with?

Laying in bed, I had a hunch - I ran out to the living room. Sure enough, there was a small hole by one of the air conditioners. I had knocked a board loose the other day and didn't think it was important enough to fix since air conditioner season is about over. That was how he escaped. It was my fault.

I went back to bed and cried as quietly as I could. It hurts Lee when I cry. It makes him feel like it is his fault for not being able to fix the world.

It took me a long time to get to sleep. I prayed. I told God I knew that His ways were higher than my ways, but could He please do my idea this time and send the cat back anyway? I told him I knew my kids needed to learn about sadness and loss, but maybe the lesson could be postponed for now? And I told Him that I knew He was with the fall of every sparrow, so if He could just send the little kitties pawprints back this way, I would be very grateful. I would bless him either way, but please could I have this little gift?

Finally I fell asleep.

I was rustled awake at 5:30 by the Chief. He hadn't been able to sleep either, kept waking up feeling sad and angry, then going back to sleep. But then he woke up at 5 with another feeling - nausea and just a sureness that this was the right time to get up. He peeked out the hole where the kitty escaped and heard the little bell. He walked outside in his boxer shorts and called for the cat. Once, twice, then just as he was going to write it off as his imagination, he found him. Pippin came up to him, rubbed his hand, then Lee scooped him up in his arms and took him inside... and tossed the little mewling needle-footed bundle onto my face. "You so owe me," he said. I was so happy. Then Lee went out and fixed the hole by the air conditioner.

So God answered my prayer by making Lee a hero to me again. As if the Chief completely disassembling and reassembling the toilet to make it work again last night wasn't enough heroic activity for one day.

2010-09-07T22:08:00.000-05:00

Once again, the birth of a child has derailed my blog. At the end of a day, typing with a babe in arms is just not pratical. Now the little man is 3 months old, close to double his birth weight, and all the way a member of the family. He has been the easiest baby we have had. As long as he is in arms, he is content, at least until he is ready to sleep.

That being said, it was a good summer. Lee has been under-employed this summer, which has made us poor (yes more than usual, lol) but has given us a lot of time together. We swam and fished in Lake Pinchot and spent a lot of time with all branches of the family.

I really gained an appreciation for my in-laws this summer. I fell in love with trekking up the mountain just to sit at their breakfast table and talk while the kids play with their cousins. Lee relaxes around his sister, brother, and mother. I like to see him relax.

I found new reasons to fall in love with him this summer. When my sister-in-law cleaned out the old family storage unit, his dresser from his teenage years was in it. I found old love letters in the dresser, from a few different girls to him when he was just a "kid." For some reason I can't pinpoint - for many reasons really - that just dizzied me. It made me look at him with new eyes. Not that I was ever "out" of love - but it just rekindled it even more. It was... it was just fun, if that makes sense. Our ten year anniversary is coming up.

I got to spend a good amount of time with my mother this summer. Not enough. It's never enough. But enough to appreciate how alike we are. I guess the best part was going to Ashcombe together. We are trying to fall back into ouir weekly routine now - we like routines. We like going to see Poppa, then going to "our" thrift store. And, after her sickness this summer, it would be nice not to break that routine. I love my mom.

No deep points - just wanted to catch this up a little since it's the closest thing I have to a journal and someday I may want to remember this summer. It was a good one.

I Hope I Never Have That Dream

2010-09-07T20:34:00.002-05:00

Elijah: Mom, I think it's time to give the Charlotte's Web DVD back to Nana.
Me: Okay, buddy... why?
Elijah:Well, everytime I see the part where Charlotte says "Sweet, sweet Wilbur..." and... you know...
Me: You mean where Charlotte is about to die?
Elijah: Yeah... well... everytime I see that part, it makes me think about that dream I had, that I told you about... where you grew wings and flew away from me...
WAHHHHHHHH

Perry County Fair

2010-08-22T12:04:00.001-05:00

Pappy and Aunt Jackie treated us to an evening at the Perry County Fair.

There were animals to be judged, rides to be enjoyed, and of course, food.

The little boys rode little rides, and they are getting to be friendly to each other.

The big kids rode ALL the rides they could, and Elijah even rode on a few very scary rides with Aunt Jackie.

Eliaj also threw up at the end of the night, but we won't post any pictures.

It was an idyllic family evening.

And I am in love with Perry County. :)

Day Two

2010-08-04T15:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I started a *whisper* diet. I don't like the word, I don't like to talk about it. When I was a teenager, I tortured myself about my weight and I refuse to go back there. Unlike then, I value myself as a person. But now I would like to lose some weight.

I am following the simple Slim Fast diet - a shake for breakfast and lunch, a "sensible" dinner, plus three small snacks. I am not buying the Slim Fast snacks, just fruits, vegetables, popcorn, and low-cal granola bars. For dinner, I am eating whatever my family eats, and trying not to go back for thirds!

Yesterday was fine. I enjoyed the shake for breakfast and lunch, and I had granola bars for snacks. I had a sausage with cheese for dinner - no, I won't be counting the calories. This is going to be long-term and low-key.

The hardest part was after dinner. We stay up really late watching TV, very often. I usually snack all night. I ended up having two extra snacks. Tonight I will be conscious of that and try to eat my snacks slower. I also skipped having a snack after breakfast to compensate for having an additional snack at night.

As for the rest of life, we had a wonderful weekend helping our sister put on a Pig Roast. Lee and I helped cook for about 24 hours. It was a lot of fun. We are not party-people and hid in the livingroom once all the guests arrived. Not for the whole time, just anytime we needed a recharge.

The kids are all well and the thrush is ALMOST completely gone. It feels good to feed the baby without wanting to cry. I also tried him on a bottle one day, just to see if he could do it. He did fine.

Me + Gabe = LOVE

This is John Young, Nan's little brother, holding Gabe. Nan never sees her brother; he hangs with the Bostwicks.

Thrush

2010-07-01T21:32:00.000-05:00

"Mom, what are those white spots on Gabe's tongue?"

Sticky white horror, that's what.

The last two weeks have been trying in the breastfeeding department. First, we had a plugged duct. I had a fever for one day and was afraid it was escalating, but we did the usual things for clearning up a plugged duct, and the fever went down and the duct cleared up and we were fine. I felt like a champion.

Then thrush hit. Thrush is an overpopulation of yeast that infects both mom and baby, baby in the mouth and mom in the well, feeding implements. It makes feeding painful for both mom and baby. When I say painful, I mean this: right now, when I feed Gabe, it feels roughly like I am sticking a knife in my hand. Ocassionally, the knife is wiggled around just to remind me that it still hurts.

Thrush is one of the reasons why I could never get mad at someone who couldn't stick with nursing. Sometimes it hurts.

There are a few reasons why I won't quit, even though a lot of people would, and most people wouldn't blame me for quitting. First, I am terrifically stubborn. I am committed to nursing. I don't care that it hurts. For me, that's not a good enough reason to quit. If the child weren't getting enough food, I might quit. (Gaining weight at twice the expected rate, the doctor wrote. Nursing like crazy.) Plus, I am too cheap to quit. When the thought crosses my mind, I think of all the cans of formula I would have to buy. And how much they would cost. And how gross they taste, lol. And how much harder it would be to comfort him.

So I tense my entire body for the pain, and feed him.

It's not my first time. When Olivia asked what the "white spots" were, Lee cringed on the other side of the room. He knew, from experience, what they meant. When I went to the store and picked up a bottle of acidophilus tablets and a tube of clotrimazole, he knew what it was for. We shrugged at the fact that I have gotten thrush with every child. Just once with each child.

I take the acidophilus internally, and break up a tablet to give to the baby in a solution of expressed milk. The clotrimazole I apply to the sore areas on myself after he is done eating. It will clear up, and the pain will be a dim memory soon. It's worth it. We will go on to have a long and happy nursing relationship.

I know this is not a very fun post. But I am writing it in case anyone comes looking for information about thrush. Be encouraged, it passes, and it's worth getting through. Just in case anyone needs to know.

And what have I learned from this? Because I learn from all of it. There's a reason Paul said we women are "saved through childbearing". It all has its lessons and reasons for us. But this lesson isn't so much instructive for me as reassuring. I learned that if I had to laymy life down for my child, I really would. Even if I had to drive a nail through my own hand for his benefit, I would do it. By God's grace, I could do it. And this is good practice in laying my life down.

Here's some eye candy for smile value.

Boy Pile

What I am looking at right now.

I couldn't get by without her right now.

Boy Pile 2

Brought to you by...

2010-06-20T13:34:00.002-05:00

Here is what I want to say about my father...he made it all possible. He worked so hard to bring us up. If you could see my childhood like a movie, you would see how happy it was. I have no complaints. We played outside, we camped in the woods, we had computers to explore and play on. My dad taught me about the Internet before most people knew what it was. I remember one day we laughed and said, "Maybe someday even toothpaste companies will have websites." It was such a funny joke at the time, even though we knew it would be true. I remember every time my dad and I laughed together and I remember every wise thing he taught me.

But more than that, I realize that everything else that was good happened because he gave up his life for us. He worked tirelessly. He was like the commercials in between a really good movie that say, "This film was brought \to you your commercial sponsors." My dad was the commercial sponsor of my life. He supported my mom while she played with me, read to me, taught me my ABCs, homeschooled me, shared movies with me. He gave us everything. There's nothing more that I could ask for. Thanks, Daddy. I love you.

Our culture today has all but killed fatherhood. I don't know how exactly this happened. But now that it has happened, we are trying to take it one step further. We are now trying to justify the murder. We are saying that fathers are unnecessary, that kids can be raised by a single mom or by an institution. Of course such a thing is possible, and I admire the moms that have to do this. But to deny fatherhood is even to deny the burden that a single mom carries. It's almost impossibly hard. She's supposed to have help, support, extra strength. Dads are so important. I hope we realise that by undermining the importance of fatherhood, we have taken away the power-in-weakness that is motherhood, too.

Just as important, I would like to say a few words about my husband.

My husband is an overcomer. He is the finest father I could ask for. He loves his children, plays ball with them, watches movies with them. The odds were against him, and he stuck with it, anyway. I am so proud to sit beside him as his wife. You can't underestimate how awesome it is to watch him hold his newest baby against his chest and talk to him, or to see him kicking a soccer ball around with Elijah. He is so good to the kids. I am so grateful that my children have a father who truly loves them. Thank you, Chief. You are the best, and I love you.

Things I Want to Remember part 1

2010-05-25T20:35:00.000-05:00

I am so grateful today. When I woke up yesterday morning - only four hours after going to bed - I realized pretty quickly that the pain would not let me sleep. I thought I was probably in labor. Lee and I woke up together around 6:30. If one can't sleep, mostly the other one can't either. We were both skeptical whether or not I was really in labor. Since all my pregnancies have ended with induced labor, we really didn't know what to expect. Around 7:30 I realized the pain wasn't going away and started communicating with my mom to try and determine whether her intermittent pain was bothering her today or not and whether she was going to be home when I dropped the kids off. Of course she made sure she was available, and Lee and I got the kids and the bags out the door. The kids were as happy to see Nana as she was to see them, and we dropped them off with no drama.

When we got to the maternity ward, they hooked me up to the machines to check baby's heart and time the contractions, and the pain I was feeling promptly dropped off. I felt pretty stupid. But the contractions started coming back, and they "checked" me around 10:00 am - I was already to 6 centimeters. One of the midwives that I was very comfortable with (Barb) was on duty, and they were keeping me. They asked how I wanted to manage the pain, and I told them that I like to hang out in the jacuzzi. They showed us to a room and got me set up in the jacuzzi.

The next four hours were very peaceful. Although the contractions were definitely escalating, they were very manageable in the hot water. I was able to quietly breathe through them and even feel sleepy in between them. When I got out of the water, the pain was much stronger and less bearable. I thought about why it is that God hasgiven chldbirth to us as women specifically. I thought about how the traits I need to mange labor are similar to the traits I have developed in my marriage - patience, calm, submission. Believing that there is a plan and things will be okay despite the fact that I can only feel turmoil and confusion. Just breathing and knowing that God is in control and everything will be okay. Pain, pain, rest, calm... breathe.

Around 2pm, the midwife decided she wanted to move things along so she decided to break my water. I had to stay out of the tub, then, and the pain got much worse very fast. By 2:25, my body decided it was time to push. Although I had been fairly quiet until then, pushing involved gutteral screaming. Three scream-y pushes in ten minutes later, and we had a baby. It sounds insanely short. The pain is inexplicable. The relief is indescribable. The second the shoulders are out, nothing else matters. I am crying verbal praise to the Lord at this point. Quite literally.

And then there he is - the invisible presence who has been with us is suddenly a real human being: discolored, misshapen, and screaming in anger and confusion.

I have to be patient before I can hold him this time - there was meconium and he needs to be carefully looked over to make sure he is okay. Of course, he is okay. 7 lbs, 10 ounces, 19.5 inches. This is clearly a baby who has come at the right time. Earlier would have been too early. I am too full of relief to really be impatient. I listen to my dear husband - whose hand is probably bruised from the squeezing inflicted by mine during the pain - talking to the nurses about his camera while he pokes around getting pictures and videos.

Then finally they give him to me, skin to skin, to be nursed.

Birthday at Nan's

2010-05-18T12:18:00.001-05:00

Previously I have gotten the family haves together for my kid's birthdays, but since the beginning of the pregnancy, such things have been too complicated for my socially challenged brain. So we had two birthdays for Julius. One with Nan and one with Nana. I kind of enjoyed that more, anyway. I may go back to the other way later but we'll see. Putting my feet up and watching a movie with my siblings felt really good. I just don't get to see my sisters enough.

Anyway, here are pictures from the birthday we had with Nan. The budget is really tight right now, but that didn't affect the party at all. I have been stockpiling presents for Julius for a few months, mostly from the thrift store. I felt really good about that. The things he got were very nice and in good shape.

Here is the cake I made. Actually, I dropped frosting and a mix at Nan's house Sunday, she baked the caked Monday morning and I frosted and decorated it Monday evening. Julius likes pawprints. He's a Blue's Clues fanatic.

Oh, that smile.

And In Other News

2010-05-14T17:31:00.001-05:00

The doctor (I love Dr. Manning) figures Gabe will be staying in there all the way to his due date, which is next Thusday. If I sound surprised, it is only because our original due date was in April. I knew he wouldn't come in April, but I didn't think he would really wait that long. It's okay, though, because I am not that uncomfortable right now. Ok, my feet are so swollen that my socks cut into my legs, I have perpetual acid reflux, I waddle very slowly, and I have to go to the bathroom every twenty minutes or so. But I'm fine emotionally. I'm centered. My blood pressure is great and I've stopped gaining weight, so I'm totally healthy. There's no reason to be stressed. The doctor said, "Your kids tend to be late (lol she noticed, huh) next week we will talk abut eviction." That made me laugh so I couldn't stress about it. I guess if it gets to next week, I will just push an induction out as far as they feel comfortable with waiting. Tomorrow is the last day of the semester. After that, I have no responsbilities besides taking care of the kids and the house.

Oh, why do I like Dr. Manning? She knows what she is doing, but she doesn't really act like a doctor. She just talks to you like a person. The first time she walked in, I didn't realize she was "the doctor". She attended the births of both Olivia and Julius, purely by luck. There are a few doctors and a few midwives, and you get whoever is on duty when you give birth. I am fairly comfortable with all of them, and actually, I don't really care who is there when I deliver. I'm the one delivering, and the only other person I am aware of is Lee. Everyone else is basically furniture. Hmm, that sounds mean. But I don't mean it in a bad way, it's just how it is. Hey, maybe it's a good thing. Maybe they're not really "There" because they are doing their jobs right.

Yesterday we celebrated Julius's birthday with Nana. That was way too much fun. Elijah is just dying to be over there hanging out with his bet buds. Luckily summer is coming soon.

Tomorrow we will go to the Greek Festival at the Greek Orthodox Church in Camp Hill. We will pick Nan up from work and head over with her. She pays for all the food as part of Lee's birthday every year. Traditions. Hopefully I will remember the camera. Hopefully there wasn't hail down there!

Well, I should REALLY be doing homework now, not blogging. Ciao.

Hail (to the Chief)

2010-05-14T17:16:00.000-05:00

It sounded like big sticks landing on our tin roof. At first the sound just irritated me, then the kids started asking what it was, and I asked the Chief to check it out. I thought maybe a piece of the tree had landed on the roof.Here is the Chief's big hand with a piece of the hail that was landing in our neighborhood. There were thousands of these. It was very loud, and it scared me to death. I imagined it puncturing the roof. Then I imagined being stuck out in it. The Chief and I stood at the door and just watched with our mouths open.

It tore the trees to pieces.

I guess it was the sound that made me feel so primitive. It was so loud on our roof and on our neighbor's roofs. I squeezed Lee's arm like I was riding a roller coaster. It made me think about the floods in Tennessee and Egyptian locust plagues.

And then I thought about how life gets in the way - there's always that day to day stuff that plagues us and makes us nip at each other and fight and be hateful. It's especially true in marriage, but it's true of all of us. And I thought that even if it were fiery meteor balls falling from the sky, I would still want to be there, standing next to him, squeezing his arm.

Truly Pure and Natural

2010-05-10T10:10:00.000-05:00

Hey! I won! I won the giveaway over at *Truly Pure and Natural*!Check out my friends' store over at Truly Pure and Natural - they sell natural body care and cosmetic products. They also have an educational blog where you can learn about the health benefits of raw honey or the details about mineral makeup for sensitive skin.

I will show you what I won when it gets here :)

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-08T13:03:00.001-05:00

This is my mother. It's not an exaggeration to say that aside from my husband, she is my best friend. I can tell her anything. She raised me up to love Jesus and do what is right. Now that I am old, she doesn't judge me for my mistakes and my personality flaws, and as a result, we have a lot of fun together. When I am upset, she helps me stay balanced and focused. When I might be wrong, she tells me nicely in a way that doesn't make me turn off. She laughs at me when I need it and with me all the time. We don't have all the same exact interests, but we overlap enough to enjoy each other's similarities and differences. We thrift shop together. We love our kids together. She makes quilts for all my babies. She buys me books that I don't have to pretend I like, because she knows me well enough to "get me". We can vent together without taking each other's stress too seriously.

My mom is not a perfect person. If she were, I probably would have a hrder time hanging out with her. But she is, without a doubt, the best mom in the entire world. Happy Mother's Day, Mommi. I wouldn't trade my mom for any other in the whole world.

:)

2010-05-07T16:18:00.003-05:00

All my kids are really special. Today I was taking a nap (only when I am pregnant am I capable of such a thing!) and Julius came and curled up on the couch with me. He brought me a pretzel. "Here, Mommy, eat." Then he patted my pillow. "Pillow. Sleep." He'll be two in two days... he really makes me smile.

His Victory Song

2010-05-07T10:51:00.000-05:00

DADDY!!

JULI!!!

POTTY!!

PEEPEE!!

I guess it's my victory song, too.

A Very Special Blessing

2010-05-02T15:08:00.000-05:00

I just received an aboslutely beautiful quilt for Gabriel, from my friend Laurel!! Laurel thank you so very much!! Laurel is a very talented quilter and mother. You can see some of her work at her blog Lively Stitches. I wish I could express to you ow beautiful this quilt is in person. The backing is a soft green, and the ducks are fuzzy. There is soft flannel all over the quilt. You can't buy something nice like this in the store, it is a real heirloom. What a special present for Gabriel.

The Chief's Birthday - Amazon and Swagbucks

2010-05-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

The Chief's birthday is coming up. Julius's birthday is coming up, too. But this post is not about that.

Since I don't have my own income, it's impossible for me to buy things for Lee without him knowing about it. That makes his birthday pretty anticlimactic.

But this year I had a plan. I started earning Swagbucks in February. I use the Swagbucks search engine, and it accumulates points each day. Since I surf a lot, I earn pretty well. As the points accumulate, I can earn prizes. The best prize for me is Amazon gift cards. In two and a half months I earned $25 in Amazon gift cards. It's not a huge amount, but sinces its basically effortless for me, it's a good bonus. You can also earn swagbucks by shopping through their links - I earned a few bucks from a purchase I made from Walmart.com, and a few from a magazine subscription. I don't use that as much because I don't do a whole lot of buying online.

Today I figured out what Lee really wanted for his birthday. Books. No surprise there. Now Amazon happens to sell those. They also sell everything else, conveniently enough. We have Amazon Prime, so we get free shipping on any order. And there was a book series Lee was interested in (I keep track of these things on our wish list) which happened to be a part of the 4-for-3 Special. Since each paperback was $7.99, I was able to get four books for my accumulated $25 - the fourth book was free. Four books is a nice amount for Lee's birthday, I think, and he will really appreciate them.

So it's really exciting for me - I have four nice presents for the Chief, and I earned them myself just using Swagbucks. I am pretty proud of myself. And I definitely recommend Swagbucks to anyone who surfs a lot and wants to just earn a little extra for almost nothing.

Lee's Perfect Sloppy Joes

2010-04-30T21:40:00.001-05:00

Lee edited the recipe a bit for clarification, so this is slightly different from what i posted earlier.

Brown three pounds ground beef (80/20 is what I would recommend)

Drain and dump into large crock pot. Discard excess fat.

Dice 1 large spanish onion, two small green peppers or 1 Large.

One mild hot pepper (could be Anaheim or Pablano) or for more spice use 2 Jalapenos. Dice 3-4 cloves of garlic.

Heat onions, peppers, and garlic in the same pan with your meat juices. Cook lightly until just soft about 7 minutes or so.

Dice one Roma tomato and put aside. Don't cube them too small though - we want chunks.

While they are cooking mix the following in a bowl:

1/2 cup water

2 tablespoons Balsamic Vinegar

2 tablespoons paprika

1/2 tablespoon chili powder

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

2 tablespoons whole grain Dijon mustard (make sure it is not the creamy kind)

1 teaspoon cayenne powder

2 tablespoons light brown sugar

3 tablespoons molasses

3 tablespoons honey

Put the bowl aside once finished.

Now the onion and pepper should be done. Stir into that 2 cups of ketchup and another 1/2 cup of water. Stir until mixed well.

Bring to a boil. just as it comes to a boil, add the mixture in your bowl. Stir until well blended. Bring to boil one more time and let simmer about 2 minutes. You do not want to let simmer long, By doing that it will become too thick.

Once this is done add to the crock-pot with you meat.

Mix well and put on high. Let it bring it self to a boil in the crock-pot and then you can turn to low.

Let cook for at least three hours. Stir occasionally.

Generously feeds a family of five for two meals - we'll probably have it for breakfast tomorrow ;) For smaller families, put half of it in the freezer and you've got dinner for next week.

A Few Moments in Memphis

2010-04-27T23:55:00.000-05:00

These are a few pics from Nan's camera from our March trip to Memphis, TN. Lee's grandmother is a huge Elvis fan, and he thought it would be nice to take her to Graceland. Plus he found out my mother is planning a visit, and he wanted to beat her there. Yup. That's motiviation for you. We ended up having a wonderful time. We all enjoyed seeing Graceland and the surrounding exhibits. Even the children enjoyed Elvis's music, and they each have favorite songs, now. What Lee and I enjoyed the most was the food. We started watching the Food network while we were staying in the hotel, and we visited a few really special restaurants. We came home relaxed and inspired to COOK.

Me and the kids at the wall outside Graceland. Visitors write their names and notes to Elvis.

My handsome hubby.

Me and my sweet baby.

Nan and the kiddoes outside Graceland.

And outside the Lisa Marie.

Here was Nan's note to Elvis.

Painting Eggs With Nan

2010-04-27T23:41:00.001-05:00

These are late, because they were taken by Nan's camera, and it takes me forever to get the pictures from her house to mine. I just keep forgetting to bring the card home.

Olivia was very serious about her eggs.

Boo enjoyed himself, too, but you can see how miserably sick he was.

The eggs were gorgeous.

She is pretty proud of herself.

Here you can see how miserably sick Miss Olivia was. She ended up having it the worst because she got sick first and then took a secondary infection. She had the worst eye infection. I ended up clearing it up with some homeopathic eye drops, as opposed to the tea baths I used for the boys.

Julius fell asleep right while we painted eggs. That as okay, because it gave the big kids a chance to spend some real time on their eggs. He is laying next to his buddy SNuggles, or as he calls her "Guggles".

Then he woke up and went to town. On the eggs. And his hands.

Wild naptime hair :)

Tuesday

2010-04-27T23:35:00.001-05:00

Thrift Store Finds

My Mom and I both have busy schedules tomorrow, so we went to see Poppa a day early. He seemed to be doing pretty well today. Afterwards we had lunch and went to the thrift store. Mommi found a juicer for us. The Chief has been requesting one. I tested it out this evening and made strawberry lemonade with some lemons I had on hand and strawberries that were getting ready to go off. It was so good! I used three lemons, 1/3 pound of strawberries, water, and regular sugar to make about a half gallon of lemonade. Not necessarily healthy, but a great treat. Sooo yummy!

Today was another example of why it pays to go to the thrift store on a regular basis. We have been watching for a juicer for weeks. The one we found was $3 and retails for close to $100. It works very well.

Today I am counting my blessings that the little ones are past their sickness. There was a lot of sickness going around, and it was tough for all of us to take turns being sick for almost three weeks total.

Pregnancy Update

Now I am just dealing with the end of pregnancy. I have strong cramps every night and intermittent back pain. The cramps don't hurt very badly, they just feel strong. My official due date - based on a 22 week ultrasound - is May 20th. That's a very late utrasound to base a date on, so it's not very accurate. By contrast, if you took a due date based on my last cycle, you would have a due date of April 27th. Also not accurate - I have long, irregular cycles and was just coming off of lactational ammenorrhea. Mommi is guessing I will go into labor around the 10-12 of May. Me? I have no idea. All three of my labors have been induced, so I feel like I will never go into labor. I like that my due date is so late because they probably won't try to induce me unless something bad happens.

The Cost of Raising a Child (a school assignment)

2010-04-12T16:05:00.003-05:00

We were discussing raising children in my sociology class. Since I take online courses, they are split between 18-year olds and us older folks who are going back to school. Among the younger people, the most common preparation for kids is "I will wait until I earn enough money to support a child." Of course, I had to put my own two cents in, so I am sharing my post here:

Out of my four pregnancies, only one was specifically planned - the second one, because I wanted to have a playmate for the first! When my husband and I got married, we both agreed we would wait awhile to have children - wait til we were financially "ready". I was on the pill, but I became pregnant after a few years. I was afraid to tell him - he says I apologized a bunch of times. But the birth of Elijah was easily the best thing that ever happened in our life together. Parenthood forced us to grow up, to start taking responsibility for ourselves. More than that, our son's arrival made us both deeply happy.

Having children has cost us almost nothing financially, and yet at the same time it has cost us everything. With my first three pregnancies, family and friends threw us huge baby showers and anything we really needed was given to us - and a whole LOT that we did not need. With the fourth child, I decided not to have a baby shower at all, though there were many people that would have been willing to attend one! - I already have enough hand me down clothes to dress the new little one for years. I have cloth diapers that will last until he is potty trained. I don't use a crib, preferring to keep little ones in the bedroom with us, and I breastfeed until they are at least one, never using expensive formulas at all.

What about food costs? The fact is, we already cook enough food to feed two or three more people - food in our house, like many other American houses, is thrown out at the end of every meal. We spend food money smarter - more bulk meat, less hot pockets - so for a family of five I need to spend less than $100 a week on groceries, not much more than we spent before we had children. The older two children, who I don't have hand me downs for, get their clothing from a second hand shop. I buy nice t-shirts and pants for my kids for less than a dollar a piece. I buy my own clothes second-hand, too, and get a lot of hand me downs for myself, so I really don't spend any more on clothes than I ever have, either. The older boys clothes get passed down to his brothers, and my daughters clothes are donated back to the second hand shop when we are done with them.

The biggest financial cost we have incurred for our children was a "new" vehicle - a pretty 1998 Ford Windstar minivan. We spent less on that nice vehicle than most people spend on their compact cars.

That being said, if we had waited until we were financially ready to have children, we wouldn't have them today. As my husband is trying to find out what his passion is in life, and I have chosen to stay home with the kids rather than work, we are financially poorer than we were when our first son was conceived eight years ago. But we have three good children who bring us joy and excitement, and we are raising them to be good people, hard workers, pleasant neighbors, givers, people who will contribute to society in a positive way.

Most people won't choose to live on as little as we do, so a lot of the ways we choose to save money are for us, but not for others. I know that breastfeeding doesn't work out for everyone, and I respect that. Another example, rather than have a mortgage, we saved up cash and bought a mobile home. We pay a very small amount each month for "lot rent", which includes the land our house is on, trash, sewer costs, and water cost. Not everyone would be content to live in a trailer park and wear second hand clothes, but it enables us to have the kind of freedom we need to be happy.

Sorry this is so long, but I do have one final thought. While children may not have cost us much in the way of currency, they have cost us our entire lives. We can't travel like we want to - do you know how much it would cost to put five people on a plane? Or how stressful the flight would be? Our house is usually untidy and almost always messy. There are fingerprints everywhere and the baby is always walking off with my husband's shoes. Plus, the children all have emotional needs. They need to be listened to and talked to. Our daughter in particular never stops talking! It's not always easy for an introvert like myself to focus on the never ending words of a needy five year old. My kids have been sick for the last few weeks. They passed around a major cold, a minor stomach bug, and an eye infection. At the end of it, I was so weary from being thrown up on, wiping boogey-noses, dispensing medicine, comforting tired tears, cleaning and bathing sick eyes, waking up overnight - all while being eight months pregnant and the size of a house, lol. And yet I am "just" a stay at home mom (and at the moment, a struggling student). The "cost" of having children - it costs everything you have. It's worth every bit.

Fishing With the Cousins

2010-04-12T07:27:00.005-05:00

This is where we were yesterday. I knew there was a park in the vicinity of the Yellow Breeches, but I did not know that it was a perfect place for a family with small children to fish and picnic for an afternoon. Now I know.

The Chief wants to get out of the house this summer - no complaints here - and fishing seemed like a good way to do it. So he invited my nephews' father to go fishing with us, and then Pappy (the Chief's dad) as well. The Yellow Breeches was Pappy's idea. We were skeptical, but pleased in the end, obviously.

While the men fished, I made sandwiches for everybody, and the kids chased each other around and tried to fall into the creek. Only Aiden actually succeeded in getting wet. The Wart (my baby) wouldn't keep his shoes on, so the Chief suggested letting him pad around in his thick socks all afternoon. They became filthy, but at least we didn't lose any shoes, and there were no cut feet or poison ivy, either.

It was a nice warm day. Elijah learned how to cast a fishing rod. Nobody actually caught anything, but we all had fun anyway.

The Chief had so much fun that he said he'd just like to throw an unbaited hook in the water and put his feet up, like a hobbit.

Here's Olivia trying to save her little brother's life.

Here are my darling nephews. Aiden talks a LOT but he's getting to be more mellow in his old age. Damien doesn't talk much and he doesn't like me. He won't even take a sandwich from me. I have to pass it to Pappy first. That's ok, I still love him, and I know he'll grow out of it.

My sweet girl (the only girl in the clan) and cousin Aiden.

I could actually get smiles out of Damien as long as I was behind the camera.

I told the Chief I was happy with the day, because these are the kinds of memories that make a happy childhood. He really enjoyed the day, too. Afterwards, Nan watched the kids so that Lee could take me to see Date Night with Tina Fey and Steve Carrell. It was very funny, we laughed a lot. It's also nice to see a movie that centers around a married couple. The stars did a good job portraying a semi-realistic married couple, and the hidden romance that a marriage holds. I like it. And yes, we laughed a LOT. Definitely not a movie for the kiddoes, though.

The Chief is very unhappy right now. He has done well at his job so far, but it is starting to weigh on him. Working for the driver's license center, he gets yelled at every single day by people who have lost their licenses to suspension, and can't get them back yet because they didn't follow the bureauracratic procedure. He doesn't like to be yelled at. Sometimes when I ask him what I can do to make him feel loved he says "just don't yell at me."

Last week, he was sick for the better part of the week - muscle weakness, vomiting, headaches. He couldn't figure out why. But I knew why.

Obviously, I really like the better pay and benefits of this job, but if he decides to get a different job, I won't be giving him a hard time. I would rather live on less than be married to someone who is all dead inside. It's not that I don't want stability in my life - I'm a mom, so I have settling instincts, of course. But the fact is, I like the excitement of being married to someone who is a little crazy. I love watching him grow and change, and discover new things. As long as we are fed, warm, and safe, I am happy. I feel so blessed. I sometimes think that I was specially designed to be married to Lee, that I was literally sent into the world to be his helpmeet and to raise his children up to the Lord. Does that sound crazy? I don't even care.

Bonding and Uniqueness (Mom thoughts)

2010-04-09T21:34:00.005-05:00

Jules and Liv are developing the sweetest little bond. They both like to roughhouse and run around, and Olivia can be affectionate and obnoxious with his, and he just eats it up. If she comes on too strong, he just pushes her away. It's so good for everybody right now. Olivia needs a lot of face time, and while I do my very best to love on her and give her attention every day, I often feel like I fall short of her needs. How much better for her to be getting face time not just from me, but from her father and each of her brothers, too. Julius is benefitting, too. He has someone who takes him seriously all the time, and he is picking up a lot of words from his sister, too. Nice words like "Yes, ma'am" and "Love you, Deedee." (that's his special name for Olivia, it means sissy).

For better or worse, Elijah isn't as silly-hearted as his sister. He doesn't want to play around physically, for him there's no such thing as a good tussle. He does liketo have his back rubbed, and he wants a hug, but only when its his idea. He wants his jokes to be understood on an adult level. He strives to emulate his father. He wants to talk about space and time. He likes to speculate, and he doesn't want you to patronize him with your answers. I love him, and I realize that he is always going to be his own person, with his own interests and desires.

Olivia, in the meantime, is also becoming more civilized! She is my lighthearted sanguine, and needs a lot of repetition, so I am teaching her by having key phrases that I repeat to help her control her own behavior. At the grocery store, for example, she has learned to stay in the "safe zone". Oh, it sounds so corny written down. But if she walks right behind me, touching my shirt, then she won't get bumped with my cart or get in the way of others. At first, I had to remind her over and over, and I spent more time correcting her than buying food. It was exhausting. But the last couple trips, she has been very good, and she lets me know that she is doing it purposefully. As she is getting to be a better listener, she is starting to help me more and more around the house. This helps me with my workload, and it also fills the aforementioned need for facetime. So there are some really good things happening with Olivia, and that makes me happy. She is going to be a real blessing when Gabriel arrives.

And, yes, little Julius says "Yes, ma'am," now when he finally decides to obey me. It often takes five or six repetitions - "Put the spoon back in the drawer, Julius. Put the spoon..." and so forth. But it's magical for me to be able to communicate with the little peanut at all. I am so happy with how well he communicates. He is forming three word sentences now - mostly commands like "Mommy watch ball" or "ELIJAH [get] cookie monster cup!" or "Olivia come eat!" Today he said "Mommy, Daddy home!!" that was a good one :)

Tonight, Elijah went to bed first. I read him his devotional, then prayed with him, kissed him, and gave him instructions - we would like to sleep in tomorrow morning, so our little early-to-bed-early-to-riser is permitted to have a pop tart and play a game while the rest of the family dozes.

About forty minutes later, Olivia asked me to read to her, also. She dances while she listens, and only listens halfway, but I don't mind. We talked about the devotional, then prayed together. When she crawled into bed, Julius decided to crawl in beside her, and they both fell asleep quite peacefully within ten minutes. It was unexpected, but nice, and I decided to let them stay that way.

Wednesday - Buying Clothes at the Thrift Store

2010-04-08T08:03:00.002-05:00

Me, my Mom, and the kids went to see Poppa yesterday. We took some pictures, but unfortunately we are all sick or on the end of sickness, and none of us were photogenic. Hopefully, those pictures will never see the light of day. Poppa is my paternal grandfather, and he has always been special to me. He's pretty far away now, though. His mind is very confused. He's worried about a lot of things that aren't real. He's always happy to see us, though, and the kids can get a smile out of him.

Then we went to lunch, ran an errand for Mom, and went to the thrift store. The thrift store is a real treat for all of us. The kids know that they can pick out a toy, and we usually find toys for ourselves, too. For me the most important thing is finding clothes for my older two kids. I try to get the ones that are 50-75% off and I usually get t-shirts and shorts for 50 cents or a quarter. Yesterday, though, I found a beautiful dress for Olivia for $1.99. It's is black velvet with a turquoise patterned silk panel. There was a long tear in the top panel that Lee's grandmother is sewing snaps onto. Nana paid for the dress and Nan is fixing it - that is family for you. I will post a picture of it when it is done. We also got a nice play romper for her for 99 cents. Elijah got two really nice t-shirts, one for fifty cents and one for $1.00. The $1.00 one was a brand new Superman shirt that I really liked. We also got a pair of white sneakers in very good shape for Olivia for 99 cents. For Julius, we got three pair of gerber training pants - hoping to potty train him this summer so I can have two in diapers for a very short time.

As for me, I got a brand new set of cups for my Magic Bullet - four cups with rings at 30 cents apiece. That just made my day. I am going to do breakfast smoothies every day during the summer as part of my postpartum weight loss plan, and having all new cups completely rejuvenates my Magic Bullet. Yay!

We got a big bag of size three clothes from Aunt Jackie this week. Those will be put up for Julius for next year - hopefully he will be wearing hand me downs from his cousins for a LONG time and then passing them down to Gabe, so I will only have to buy clothes for the older two. And if I can keep getting them such good deals at the thrift store, we will be dressing cheaply (and stylishly!) for years! I can't wait to post a picture of Olivia's dress.

Misunderstanding

2010-04-05T10:52:00.003-05:00

I like to lay down with Julius for a few minutes when he first wakes up in the morning. We had our snuggling, then I invited him to come out to the living room with the rest of the family, where Olivia already had a nice sippie cup of cold water waiting for him. He stood up, then cocked his head and looked at me. "Help-ee?"

I sighed. He was going to have to get used to not being carried everywhere. Here am I, eight months pregnant, the size of a house, still on the tail end of a cold-

"Help-ee?" He was off the bed already, reaching his hand out to me.

He didn't want to be carried. He was trying to help me up.

Easter Celebration - Egg Hunt at Aunt Jackie's

2010-04-05T09:08:00.005-05:00

Easter Celebration - Goofin at Home

2010-04-05T08:59:00.002-05:00

Learning

2010-03-30T09:47:00.009-05:00

Lee got this DVD at Walmart for something like $6. He got it for himself. He sat down and watched the first disc one afternoon while I went grocery shopping with the two littler ones. Elijah watched it with him - just because he was in the room. (We're almost always all in the same room, my family was the same way growing up) He was captivated. He spent the next three days telling me I had to watch it, and telling me all the ways that the Earth could be destroyed by the sun and asteroids and such. It was sweet. :)

Then when Lee was at Borders the other day (making use of a "40% off a single item" coupon to buy himself a cookbook), he picked up a bargain book of space photography for Elijah - gorgeous huge pictures of the moon and planets and nebulae. There are short captions - three or four sentences on each page. It is not a child's book. Elijah is reading all the way through it - he even asked if he could keep it in the bathroom like Mommy and Daddy do. That made me laugh.

It's not a big deal - it's just one of those learning moments that homeschoolers are looking for. Real, passionate, spontaneous learning. For me, it's why I keep my kids home. For the Chief, it's like having a new best friend to learn with. Who just happens to be your kid.

Making Vapor Rub

2010-03-25T10:50:00.005-05:00

After I received my order of beeswax from Mountain Rose, I realized I was going to be able to make a lot with it. A pound of beeswax goes a long way for a small family! Today we made homemade vapor rub, and early this summer we are going to make a big batch of lip balm with Nana to share with all my sisters.

I wanted to make two variations of vapor rub - a strong one with camphor for the Chief, and a mild one with lavender for the babies. Camphor is very strong and I don't want to use it for the little ones.

I used 8 ounces of olive oil, about 2 ounces of beeswax. I warmed the oil over a double boiler (actually a cheap pot of water and a small bowl I picked up at the thrift store.) The oil goes in the bowl over the gently bowling water, so the oil doesn't burn. Next time I make this, I want to use oil infused with some kind of mint to add extra strength to it - I know we will have a garden full of mint this summer. I melted the beeswax gently in the oil, and took it off the heat as soon as it was melted.

I poured the wax/oil into two tubs - repurposed from butter tubs. A real herbalist probably wouldn't reuse old plastic butter tubs, but what can I say? They were the right size.

Then I added the oil. I used 15 drops of eucalyptus in each tub. I added 10 drops of lavender to the children's tub and 10 drops of camphor to the Chief's tub. Since this is my first try, I have no idea whether those ratios will be strong enough and I encourage anyone who wants to try this to experiment and see what works for you. Especially for kids, less is more.

The finished products smell really good. If they don't turn out to be strong enough, I will remelt them.

I used:

Available from Mountain Rose:

Olive Oil (I bought mine on clearance at the grocery store)

Repurposed:

Butter tubs - metal tins or glass jars would be better

First Sickness of the Year

2010-03-23T10:41:00.002-05:00

Have gotten almost no sleep for two nights because this little one has had a mild fever and wants to stay up all night and talk about it. Got smart last night and brought two cups - one juice, one water - plus a stack of clean diapers to bed with us. Since he asked for drinks regularly and continued wetting his diapers, I knew he wasn't dehydrated and wasn't too worried. Just exhausted.

This one is still a little stuffy, but since she got sick first, she is healing up first. She is ever perky.

This one got sick last. There are two things circulating in the house right now, or two manifestations of the same thing - cold, and eye infection. Olivia only got the cold. Julius had the eyes, then after they cleared up, he got the cold. Poor Boo now has both at once.

I feel very blessed that this is the only real sickness we have gotten all winter, and very blessed that I haven't gotten it myself yet - if I do get it, hopefully it will be after the baby is all healed up from the cold.

Since it is hard (okay, IMPOSSIBLE) for Julius to hold a teabag on his eye, I washed his eyes several times each day with a clean cloth for each eye and warm chamomile tea. Then I made him nice warm chamomile baths. He cleared up his eyes in 48 hours.

Now Boo is holding warm teabags on his eyes for as long as he can stand it. I wonder if it will take longer for him to get better since he is fighting both at once.

Making Baby Powder

2010-03-18T14:10:00.000-05:00

Today, Olivia and I made a lovely batch of baby powder. We are preparing for the arrival of baby Gabriel sometime in May.

Why are we making our own baby powder? Of course you can buy baby powder at the dollar store and making it ourselves is not going to be any cheaper than that.

With Julius, we used corn starch for his tender little bum. The only problem with corn starch is that if a baby has a yeast rash or fungal infection - like thrush - corn starch can act as food for the yeast, and the rash can get worse.

Julius and I had a bad case of thrush that nearly disrupted our nursing relationship. The worst part about thrush is that it can be passed from baby's mouth to mama's nipples and back and forth, so it can be very difficult to treat, and it can be very, very painful for both mama and baby. It can also make for a very persistently red bum.

So I wanted to make a baby powder that would be natural, drying, soothing, and antifungal to help combat thrush. In the end, it wasn't very expensive to make, either.

Here are the ingredients I used:

1 oz oatmeal
1 ounce calendula flowers
1 ounces kaolin clay
2 ounces arrowroot powder
5 drops lavender essential oil

The arrowroot powder and the kaolin cosmetic clay are the drying base. Neither will aggravate a fungal infection, and are very soothing and natural.

Here is my lavender essential oil and one of the shakers I got at the thrift store.

I used my Magic Bullet to grind the oatmeal and the calendula flowers. Then I added the lavender oil to the oatmeal mix and mixed it thoroughly. Finally, I mixed in the kaolin clay and arrow root powder.

Calendula flowers are reputed to be anti-fungal and gently antibiotic. Oatmeal is widely believed to be soothing to irritated skin.

I poured the mix into two shaker containers that I bought at my local thrift store for 30 cents each. I had more than enough left over for another batch, and enough ingredients to last until Gabriel is out of diapers!

Olivia is showing off the final product.

I hope this post inspires you to make your own natural creations.

I used:
Purchased from Mountain Rose:

Kaolin Clay
Arrowroot Powder
Calendula Flowers, ground
Lavender Essential Oil

From Amazon:
Magic Bullet - but you old use many other methods to grind your flowers and oatmeal. Some people use a coffee grind or a blender - watch your thrift store again for these kinds of things, and you could keep one especially for use with your herbal creations.

Purchased Locally:
Oatmeal, ground finely (purchased at my supermarket)
Shakers - purchased at my thrift store and sterilized. I personally would also reuse a spice shaker, thoroughly cleaned and sterilized. - remember the greenest product is the one that you are saving from the landfill.

Making Squigs

2010-02-22T13:07:00.004-05:00

I got this idea for hot dog and pasta sculptures out of Family Fun magazine. The kids named them Alien "Squigs".

In The Beginning

2010-02-22T10:37:00.003-05:00

Other Kinds of Happiness

2010-02-11T12:24:00.003-05:00

I have always liked having the littlest ones beside me while they sleep, because as soon as he starts to throw up I can hear it. The distress he feels wakes me even before the mess begins.

I hold him while he empties his stomach, comfort him, try to get him to drink. He won't. Immediately my brain goes into "must get liquids into the child or he will die" mode. I can let him sleep for now, but I won't relax until he drinks.

Then I gather up all his blankets that are soiled. I wrap other ones around him. I used to think it was such a burden to have so many blankets - they probably own 15 each, because my grandmother-in-law buys them multiple new ones every year. But now that winter is here I am grateful for every yard of fleece that I own.

I throw the blankets into the washer. I know the dials by heart. I don't even need to turn the light on. Laundry detergent, sweet-smelling fabric softener, I can see them in the dark and pour the right amounts into the regular cycle with an extra rinse.

Then I pour myself back into bed. When he wakes up again to to repeat the performance an hour and a half later, I rotate the laundry. It's amazing that I am not too tired to do it - I who am so lazy and like to do things half-way, somehow biology kicks in when the little ones are sick and I don't mind anymore. I like the crisis. Laundry is rotated and he goes back to sleep, but he still refuses to take a sip of water.

We are still snowed in and my wonderful husband calls into work. It will take him hours to get us dug out and ready to travel again, and we have to be protective of the one car that we have. So he will be home all day and I get to sleep in, hours past my normal waking time. The baby is still asleep. His diaper is dry and I am still worried about dehydration.

Finally I get up, make some echinacea tea for the older children, and make sure all are fed. When the dishes are done and put away I make a nice sippy cup of purple juice and take it into the room where the little one is sleeping. I wrap my arm around him. His eyes flutter open and he reaches for the cup. He gulps down the entire cup.

My eyes flood with relief - if he can drink, he will be fine, I know. It's almost silly, this kind of biological love that makes one cry simply because of a drink. But I remember that this love is only a picture, and how much more does God cry with joy when I remember to eat the food that is real bread drink the living water.

A morning like this, exhaustion and relief, being there for someone who is sick, having someone be there for you when you are tired, these are very good things. Even now, the rank smell ofa diaper that needs changed is making me happy because it means that things are moving as they should. There are so many kinds of happiness in loving and being loved.

State of the Union

2010-01-13T16:10:00.005-05:00

Lee is very content in his job right now. He is enjoying the 9-5. The work is not stressing him out, and then he comes home to relax with a good dinner and his games. This is pretty unusual. Lee coming home stressed has been the norm. I am praying that this will continue.

In addition to this little bit of goodness, Julius is now at the "Iwantmommytouchingorwatchingmeeverysecondoftheday" age. This means that he calls me if I leave the room, he wraps his arms around me if he is within reach, and he plants sweet little kisses on my cheek all day long. I remember this as the age when Elijah would cry when I left for work. I am so, so grateful that I am home with the kids right now.

It is really good for our marriage, too. We used to bicker over whether or not I could go into work due to sickness in me, sickness in the kids or Lee, stress at home, communication issues, or even just if Lee wanted me home to do something fun. Now I am home all the time, so if someone is sick I can nurse them or if Lee wants to do something, we do something. In addition, I can prepare good meals and I have time to give Lee attention in the evenings. We are playing his online computer game together and we have time to watch shows together. Instead of spinning our life around a changing schedule, we are anchored in consistent time together and apart.

Of course the person that has sacrificed for this is Lee. He is now working twice as many hours and still taking classes. But I honestly think that God is blessing him for it. We are now financially better off than we have been since before we had kids. As I mentioned, the job is not causing him undue stress. He can come home and relax, and he just seems happier.

Thank you, God, for all this goodness.

Gabe

2010-01-10T14:08:00.003-05:00

Well, it's 2010 and we have now found out that we are having a little boy. I found out I was pregnant last September, but we wanted to keep it under wraps until after Christmas. I was really hoping for a boy - I wanted a Gabriel so bad, and I am in love with the idea of a house full of boys. Elijah wanted a boy, and Olivia wanted a girl, but she hasn't shown any real sign of disappointment.

Even though I wanted a boy the most, I still have a little disappointment about it not being a girl - isn't that crazy? It's the cute pink dress thing, I think. I guess there is always a little disappointment either way. But I cried for joy when I found out. Gabe, I can't wait to meet you.

I was sick a lot the first three months, and that made my school almost impossible. I ended up with 2 As, a C, and an F in a class that I purposely let go so that I could make sure to do well in the others. The C was because in the middle of the morning sickness, I actually missed the deadline for an exam. I had an A in everything else in the class. So it was a pass or fail kind of semester, but I made it through. I am going to go very easy on myself this semester - just two classes, one for coding PHP and one for Sociology.

The Sociology class is about Marriage and Family - two subjects on which I am completely uneducated. HA! It should be very, very interesting. Lee is afraid that it will be like one of those Love Quizzes, where you start finding imaginary things wrong with your life because of reading too much into it. I am more afraid of getting prideful and telling the whole class they are wrong about everything. My beliefs are pretty old-fashioned, and firmly held.

Lee is doing a great job at providing for the family, making sure the bills are paid, and that we are warm and fed. I've been "home" for seven months now, and it looks like it is going to be permanent, barring any emergency situations. I can't even say how happy that makes me. Now am focusing my energy on being a better wife/mother/homemaker.

Food is my focus for 2010. I am planning my meals ahead of time so that I always know what there is to eat. I have meals ready for Lee as soon as he gets home, so there is no temptation to go out and get food, and no tendency to run to the store and buy something expensive that is easy to make. It's going well so far, and I really enjoy it.

2009-10-03T19:13:00.002-05:00

There's a lot to say, but most of it will remain unsaid for now. I haven't been feeling well. I am not doing well in school. But my heart is happy. My freezer is full of convenience food and I am taking a good multi-vitamin and that is making a big difference. The last few weeks I have been too tired to do more than glance at schoolwork and making healthy meals was not going to happen. I think I had an iron shortage - it has happened to me before. I am only writing right now because I want to remember, even if its nothing more fancy than "for two weeks I was really tired." It will be enough.

The other reason I am writing is to remember the phenomenal find from the thrift store today. I found something I have been looking for for years - The Spiderman Cartoon Maker CD-rom. It is very hard to find. Apparently it was only ever bundled with that one Packard Bell computer in '95. It's a very simple drawing program where kids drag icons across the screen to create animated Spiderman Cartoons. They can animate characters, change backgrounds, add props, and add music. It's a very, very simple format and I knew it would be perfect for imaginative Elijah. I nearly danced when I saw it at the thrift store today for $1.99. It took some rigging to get it to run on my computer, but I got it going and now Boo is really enjoying it. It's hard to explain how happy that makes me. It is a geek's dream come true - to see your kiddoes playing the same 'puter games you played. I also offered to buy him a chapter book about Mario and Luigi as long as he promised to read it (a similar promise my dad always made me take when buying me a book). He promised he would read one page a day - today he read the first chapter. That also fills me with excitement. The first chapter book - the first first book with more words than pictures - is a huge milestone for a true lover of books.

Like I said, there's a lot more going on, but it will have to wait.

A Love Poem

2009-09-06T00:55:00.004-05:00

Some people don't like poetry or mushiness, and that's fine. But sometimes you just have to get it off your chest.

I'm so in love
but I can't find
the words to tell you all the time

You laugh at me
in my goofy ways
when I am digging for your praise,

and when I turn the clock away
and ask you for the time of day
or click off the 27-news
and ask you how the weather is.

You tell me I am being dumb
To turn the stupid TV on
And look at the clock if I want to know
How the time is getting on.

But the weatherman is always wrong,
and I don't really need to know.
In fact my sense of time is strong:
the sun,
the moon,
the cricket song.

But I just like to ask from you.
I like the way you roll your eyes
I like the way you square your face:
My words to you are no surprise.

I just almost need to hear.
No, I really need to hear
that everything will be okay
and all our skies are crystal clear.

I don't believe the weatherman,
though he's as often right as wrong.
and that old clock is running slow,
the batteries have been too long.

But when you say
that its ok
I know it is
I know
I know
And when you say
"it's time,
it's time"
Then I will say
"let's go,
let's go."

So Much For Her Stunning Vocabulary

2009-08-21T07:58:00.003-05:00

Olivia: MOM. MOM. Julius put the [alphabet] letters from the fridge onto the wet thing that's dead.

Me: ???

Olivia: You know, the thing that you wash with. Wash clothes with. That's already died.

Yawn

2009-08-09T08:12:00.004-05:00

Lee schedule has shifted now, so that he is working on Saturdays. The good thing about that is that most Saturdays he will get to work locally, at an office in Wormleysburg, which is only a 10 minute drive. This is exactly why I am not able to work right now - his schedule is changing constantly. Even if I was trying to find a job or to work at SH, from one week to the next, I wouldn't know what hours to tell them I am available.

But things are good on the homefront. So much has improved with me taking my housewife job seriously. Even though I have been handwashing clothes and ironing them, we always have clean clothes and know where they are. I make sure the house is tidy before Lee gets home everyday. Lee doesn't like it when I clean the house when he is home - when he is home, it's supposed to be fun time. So I vacuum right before he gets home and do dishes and laundry while he is away. So far this is making for fun, peaceful days off.

Now tomorrow is the first day that books will be available for HACC. This is something of a holiday for Lee and I. We will leave the kids with Nan tomorrow (it is her day off) and try to score as many used texts as we can before they run out. The lines are epic, especially in the fall. They are less so in the Spring, when many people have decided not to come back.

I got to harvest in my Beaver family garden this week. We picked about 30 lbs of produce, simply culling the things that were almost overripe. There is a LOT more there. We probably had 100 cherry tomatoes, and there are still hundreds more there, green or light orange just waiting for another day or two of sun. So much fun!!

Elijah got to go to G. I. Joe with Daddy and Uncle Jon this week. A friend of Jon and Lee's had tickets so they were all able to go together. That was really nice. Olivia was a little jealous that she didn't get to see Uncle Jon, but she and I spent the evening with Nan so it was ok.

Today we are going to a family picnic. Hope the rain stays away!

Last night, Elijah read to us a book that we never read before. Woohoo!

Olivia has been writing people's names down on whatever paper she can get her pretty little fingers on.

And Julius has been working on his communication, too. He is very good at letting us know what he wants. Sometimes, he is willing to trade for it (Here is my cup of juice. Please give me your bag of chips.) He squeals angrily when the other two kids go outside without him or have a snack without offering him any. And he's not afraid to crawl up in Dad's lap and snuggle, especially when dad has a nice big bowl of ice cream.

I love that about have three kids. With Boo, there was nobody but me and Dad to play with. With Olivia, she has Boo to tag around with or be envious of. But with the third, there is a group (Boo and Liv) that he wants to be a part of, wants to keep up with. They are learning how to share and be patient with each other. It's awesome.

My camera may or may not be functioning. I am charging the batteries right now so we'll see. A certain young Caesar threw it into my dish water, but I think it may have recovered. Here's hoping.

I Love

2009-07-31T12:49:00.002-05:00

I love that my house is clean right now.

I love that I have time to keep it clean right now.

I love ironing.

I love Julius's post-bath clown hair.

I love Livvy's endless stream of hugs.

I love Elijah's less-constant but heart-achingly sincere shows of affection.

I love that Julius can ask for things now (like grabbing Mom's shirt and saying cup-cup-cup... okay, Jules, let's go find your cup).

I love the rain.

I love living in a trailer where you can hear every drop.

I love that the kids and I are having Spaghetti squash fresh out of the Beaver Family Garden for dinner.

I love my husband who is working so hard for us.

I love God for letting me enjoy all of this. Whatever darkness may lie ahead, today is a wonderful time to be alive.

p.s. Julius dropped my camera in the dishwater, so you'll be enjoying old pictures for awhile.

Julius's Vocabulary & It's Nice to Be Back

2009-07-28T16:36:00.003-05:00

I have missed the Internet. I have been narrating my life the last two weeks witho nobody to hear it except for me. How sad.

Here is Julius's current vocabulary.

Puppy

What I meant when I taught it to him: a dog

What he means when he says it: Look at something that I think is cute or interesting and I want you to pay attention. When he says it and follows it with a meow or whine, its something he finds cute, when he says it repeatedly and points, its something interesting.

Ball

What I meant when I taught it to him: a ball, a toy

What he means when he says it: Oooh shiny (metaphorically speaking)

Cup

What I meant when I taught it to him: a cup, a drink

What he means when he says it: Give that random possibly (but not necessarily) edible or imbibable thing over there to me, I want it.

I have been Internetless and also spending time with my mom while the kids went to summer fun with their "cousins". Since my mom is my main audience, I haven't had time or motivation to update the blog. I have no intention of playing catch up. Just a few notes:

Lee went to Creation Festival Northeast

My lovely sister Tabitha did a wonderful job putting red streak in my hair while He was gone (I love it so much)

I am currently home full time which is sooo wonderful.

Lee is working his butt off at his new job as I.T. Help Desk guy.

The big garden at my moms is getting ready to burst forth - actually its already bursting, but its about to get exponentially crazier.

My house garden is pretty exciting, too.

All my kids rock.

We are back online, having switched to Verizon FiOs, which is really fast. We are not going to have cable at this time, which I love. With Netflix, we don't really need All Those Channels. The kids can watch a few cartoons and there are no gimme-inducing commercials. Plus it makes going to Nan's all that more special.

My life is so good, rich, full, and happy.

Oh, and its really hot and humid right now.

Rachel's Better Than Take Out Chicken Lo Mein

2009-06-20T08:51:00.002-05:00

2 Cups Chicken broth
1 lb chicken breast
1/4 cup white cooking wine
1/2 cup soy sauce
5 teaspoons cornstarch
Vegetable oil
5-6 cloves of minced garlic
1 piece of crystallized ginger, minced
1 can water chestnuts
1 small zuchinni
1 small yellow squash
1 can bamboo shoots
1.5 pkg mushrooms
1 red or yellow pepper
1 shredded carrot
1 lb thin lo mein noodles

First, prep all of your vegetables. Shred the carrot with a grater (or buy it shredded). Slice the squashes, and cut the slices in half. Drain the bamboo shoots and water chestnuts. Cut the pepper into medium-sized slices. Toss together with the mushrooms in a bowl and set aside in the fridge.

Next, cut your chicken into strips. You want 1-2 inch strips. Its easiest to do this if the chicken is still partially frozen.

Next, boil your chicken broth in a sauce pan. (I used 2 cups of water with 2 bouillon cubes). Take 1/3 of the mixture and pour it into a pot. This pot needs to be big enough to eventually accomodate all the vegetables and all the noodles. Let the part still in the saucepan sit aside while the part in the pot continues to boil. Drop your chicken strips into the boiling broth. let the chicken cook, stirring occassionally, for about 8-10 minutes, until the chicken is no longer pink in the middle.

Start boiling your lo mein noodles in a seperate pot. make sure to stir them, as they stick together very easily.

Next, make your sauce. Combine the white wine, soy sauce, and cornstarch in a bowl on the side. Stir until they are smooth. Pour the smooth mixture into the saucepan with the cooling broth.

Pour a thin layer of vegetable oil into the pot you were cooking the chicken in. Add the minced ginger and garlic into the oil. Stir, let cook 30 seconds until the oil is infused with the flavor of the garlic and ginger. Add the bowl of vegetables to the saucepan. Stir until all the vegetables are coated with the oil. Cook at medium heat until the vegetables are cooked, but still slightly crisp.

Add the cooked pasta and chicken to the vegetables and stir together. Cook for three minutes.

Add the sauce mixture and cook through.

Serve and enjoy.

This makes a LARGE bowl of lo mein and would be a perfect accompaniment to Mama Beaver's homemade egg rolls.

The Wedding

2009-06-06T19:31:00.003-05:00

Of course I forgot to take my camera.

Olivia, Julius and I went to my friend Aven's wedding today. Aven is a lovely young woman who has overcome much in her life to come into her heritage as a woman of God. She is fun, beautiful, and strong. I met Aven when the Fichtners bought Servant's Heart over four years ago.

I have actually known her husband Justin for longer. He and I worked together at Servant's Heart years ago. His mother was the assistant manager when it was the old store, and I loved her very much, and have always had a good estimation of Justin's character.

To see two good people like that meet and fall in love; it makes me so happy. There's no soap opera about the romance, just a good old-fashioned love story.

I don't think I can even put into words how happy it makes me. Aven was a beautiful bride today. The ceremony was lovely. There was so much happiness in the room. It's not just "weddings make me happy", though that's true, and I always enjoy a wedding, regardless of the circumstances. But this was special. I feel... like its an affirmation of everything that is still good in the world. My feelings are too big for my heart and my smile is too big for my face.

Here's what made me happy:

Their vows written to one another - heart-stirring.

"Mr. and Mrs. Justin Shupe"

Beautiful Aven.

Olivia asking to sit next to Nina... then asking if she could move next to the dance floor during their first dance because she wanted to "see the whole dress"

Seeing Abby - Seth Friederich's little girl who was born a day before Julius - in person.

Seth stealing a chair and bringing it to the head table so he could eat with his wife and daughter.

The father-daughter dance: Chuck methodically getting all his ducks in a row so he could make his way over to beautiful Lisa and ask her to dance (she smiled so beautifully).

The mother-son dance: Nancy's five boys (a sixth not being present) all hovering to dance around her - Nina and her three wonderful young men... Julius snuggling against his mommy for his own mother-son dance.

The "Servant's Heart Girls" throwing a fiver and a couple singles into the basket for the dollar dance so we could all dance with Aven at once... love in a circle :)

What a beautiful day.

It's easy for me to be so whole-heartedly happy about weddings, when I have my darling Chief who loves me so truly.

Failure or just overly analytical?

2009-06-04T21:11:00.002-05:00

A boy came to my door.

He's the one who mows the grass.

He said he sprained his arm and he wanted to know if I had anything for it, like a wrap.

I didn't have a wrap.

I found a large icy hot patch that was supposed to be good for pain for a strain or a sprain. He said "that's fine" and shook his head - I guess he really wanted a wrap. he just kinda stood there.

I told him I was sorry I didn't have a wrap, did he want the patch?

He said that's fine and kinda slowly walked away.

He didn't go to the other neighbor's houses.

Should I have offered to take him to the store for a wrap?

Should I have walked him to the other neighbors houses and asked them?

Or was he just kinda checking to see if I had something and it wasn't a big deal?

Did I miss something? Or was it just a random thing? Is God trying to tell me to be more decisive? Is he try to tell me to be sensitive to others needs? To not rely on Lee to make decisions for me? If Lee hadn't been playing his game, would something else have happened?

I just wish I could have helped, and I feel like maybe I missed something...

Laundry Day

2009-06-02T11:44:00.004-05:00

Nan and I have been going to the laundromat together about once every two weeks. I am enjoying it. I leave Boo home with Dad so I can have his seat for extra laundry room! The other two enjoy going to the laundromat with us!

This is the same laundromat that Nan and Pap went to their whole life. To go there, we pass the church they were married in, one of the apartments they lived in, and the funeral home that Pap was memorialized in.

The New Job

2009-06-02T10:22:00.004-05:00

Monday, around lunchtime, Lee received a call that he had been accepted for a full time help desk position at a computer consulting company in our area. He will be working third shift (a good thing) helping people make their computers work (another good thing). He will also be dresing up, working in an office, and not making pizza. This is an answer to prayer - not just my prayers, but everyone who has been following the interview process, especially my Mama, who was sitting at God's knees going "pleasepleaseplease". This is a BIG step forward for us. The job includes paid holidays and sick days, and insurance for the whole family. The pay is nothing exorbitant, but it is more than we are currently making together.

If we wanted to, I could quit working and we could get by, but I have decided to continue working one day a week, to help offset the cost of insurance. It takes a big chunk out of his check, but it will be very good to have real coverage for the whole family. I also would like to keep my foot in the door where I work, because I love the people I work with and care about the business. I think I can work one half-day a week and still have plenty of time to be a real full-time mom with all that entails - homeschooling first grade and kindergarten next year, taking care of the house, and being a devoted wife. Lee will really need my support, and sometimes that will just mean keeping the kids away from the hallway so he can sleep.

This is a big deal for Lee. I am very proud of him.

Lee has also asked me to take over paying the bills when he starts the new job. This is a big step for me, for reasons that I won't detail here. I think it will work out fine, though. I think I understand our relationship well enough that it will be good for us both.

While Lee is in training, there will be two weeks where I can't work at all.... isn't that sad??? A vacation for me!

Sickies

2009-05-31T09:24:00.003-05:00

We have been sick all week, starting Monday and running right on through. At first it was Julius with the sniffles, then by Wednesday Lee and I were both laid up. Friday I had a fever, Saturday it was Lee. We are getting near the end. Praise God that the two big ones really didn't get sick, and even Jules didn't get much more than the sniffles. The other two could still get it, I guess, but I should be well enough to nurse them by then, if they do.

Friday we took a dinner down to Aunt Jenny and her family. Unfortunately, I was too sick to see the baby - so sad! I didn't touch or breathe on any of the food or go in the house, so hopefully Jenny's clan won't get sick. That would be terrible. I would feel so bad.

Today is the Feast of Pentecost, but I am took sick to go to church. I can't speak at all and I am hacking, etc. Other unmentionable symptoms have decided to take advantage of my weak state. OY!

Lee passed all his classes this semester.

I passed all my classes this semester.

Now I'm going to go curl up in a small ball.

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-25T22:12:00.008-05:00

We spent all day Saturday and Monday at Jackie's house. Jackie is Lee's sister. She and her fiance, Danny, just recently bought a house together. They are very excited about raising their boys - my gorgeous nephews - in a good house in the country. I am so proud of them. Jackie is such a good mom and a good worker.

Lee and I have spent a few good pockets of time with Danny and Jackie, and we always get along with them well. We feel relaxed around them and enjoy their company. It is very important to us that our kids have time to play with their cousins. Also I just wuv my neffie poos.

In addition to Jackie and Danny, our cousin Jamie was their with her kids. Jamie is Lee and Jackie's first cousin - the daughter of their dad's sister. Jamie is a single mom with four kids. She really loves her kids. She is nursing her fourth baby. She never nursed before, and she is planning for her daughter to be her last baby, so she persisted through the Hell that is the first few weeks of nursing. That is awesome! Anyway, Jamie's kids got along very well with our kids, too. Her oldest is 8 and he and Boo got on very well today.

Jackie was telling Jamie about my wrap, and how helpful it has been for me. I had my home made wrap in the car, so I got it out and showed her how to work it. Jamie picked up on how to wrap it right away. I figured anyone who can make it through nursing can figure out how to wear a baby, so I left my wrap with her (I still have my Moby and my swimming wrap, so its no sacrifice!) She just emailed me to tell me she got it to work and that she likes it. YAY.

Lee's mom and dad were there, today, too, as well as my other sister, Amber. Unfortunately, Amber left early because she and Lee got into a bit of a tiff and she became very insulted . Once she gets angry, she usually doesn't back down or come back at all. She's gone. After Jackie asked them to stop snarking at each other, Lee didn't say a word, but it was too late - everyone else was yelling. I took my kids out of the area and down to the basement - we prayed for Amber, that she would feel how much we all love her, and that we would all learn to be more gentle with our words. At some point, I could hear that she was banging things against the house, and then Jackie's soft-spoken, easy going fiance yelled at Amber and told her that it was his house and she needed to get out. So she did. I was very impressed with Danny.

I love Amber very much, and I don't want her to be unhappy. I am praying right now that God will come into her life and move her in a big way. I doubt we will see her again for awhile.

At the same time, Dad left. He doesn't like the fighting, and sometimes it feels like he wants to leave, anyway, like it is hard for him to stay around. We probably won't see him again for awhile, either.

But that was actually pretty early in the day. After The rest of the day was peaceful and pleasant. We ate a lot of food, drank a lot of drink, and let the kids frolic. I got to sit for a long time talking to Mom, Jackie, and Jamie. We talked, mostly about kids and work. I busted out the Avon books and we talked about makeup and whatever gadgets or colors of eyeshadow we can't live without. Oh, and kids. Did I mention we talked about all the kids? It felt good. The whole weekend felt good.

Family is nice. God, bless my family and help me to be an instrument of Your Will in their lives, in whatever way I can.

Julius's Birthday

2009-05-17T15:06:00.000-05:00

Special April Pics

2009-04-30T15:05:00.000-05:00

Boo and Dad Go to See the Phillies

2009-04-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

Easter 2009

2009-04-12T15:03:00.001-05:00

Painting Eggs 2009

2009-04-02T14:58:00.000-05:00

Playing Baseball in the Dawn of Spring

2009-03-11T22:00:00.000-05:00

Saturday and Sunday were such beautiful days. We played baseball outside with all the kids. It was too wet to let Julius crawl around in the mud, so I held him in my arms most of the time. It was a blast. I can’t wait to spend all of summer out of doors.

A Little Taste of Freedom (for some)

2009-03-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

Woohoo! It's warm enough to go outside today!

Everything is brown but life is coming, you can tell.

Livvy practicing bike safety.

Please can I go out, too, Mommy??

Breakfast Chat

2009-03-06T21:55:00.000-05:00

Raw apple sauce, onion scrambled eggs, and buttered toast. Very very good.

The raw apple sauce is very easy. I sliced two apples into quarters, halved the quarters, then threw whatever could fit into my Magic Bullet chopper. (A toy Lee bought me that I truly love). I pureed the apples, but only until they were chunky. I added a teaspoon of brown sugar and the rest of the apples and blended then again. You can see the result. All three of the kids loved it.
The Magic Bullet makes easy scrambled eggs for a small family like mine, too. Just crack however many eggs into it, add a few slices of onions, a splash of milk, and blend. Very fluffy and easy to cook. I added some herbs and spices, too.

What’s really cool is that most of this food came from our Angel Food box. Angel Food is a kind of ministry that is available all over the country. You don’t have to be poor to order from them. They have boxes of food that you can order, and the prices are at an substantial discount. Since everyone who buys is buying the same box, they are bought in bulk and the savings are passed on to the family instead of a store. We bought a main box and a produce box. The main box, I wasn’t as impressed with the discounts - since I use a lot of coupons, sales, and store brands, I don’t think it was a savings of 50% - maybe more like 35-40% in our area. on the other hand, if you lived in an area with a higher cost of living, it might be an even better savings. It was still about as cheap as my usual techniques, though, and it helps me keep the pantry stocked.

The real savings for me was in the produce box. It’s hard to get good deals on produce. For $18, I got 3 lbs of potatoes, 3 lbs of sweet potatoes, 3 lbs of onions, a head of cabbage, a bag of carrots, a box of raisins, a pineapple, 3 lbs of apples, 2 pears, and a 3lb bag of oranges. That is an excellent deal. It’s so good to have fresh food in the house. I am really using all of it.
Incidentally, if you live in the Mechanicsburg, area, Weiser’s Market has a phenomenal deal on potatoes this week - through next Thursday they are on sale for $1.48 / five pound bag! That is a great price and potatoes keep awhile so it would be a good time to stock up. It’s also nice to support a local business like theirs. Also, Weis’s (note the difference there) has an excellent sale running this week with a $1.69 deal on ground beef and boneless chicken breast.

The Pictures Tell All (Livvy's First Haircut)

2009-02-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

Why I Love My Father

2009-02-26T10:31:00.001-05:00

This is for my dad, to lift him up when times are hard.
1) When my mother became pregnant with me, my father devoted himself to working to provide for her and his new family, i.e. Me. My mother has never had to work away from her children or worry that bills weren’t being paid. He has given her time and space to take care of us, which led to me having a wonderful relationship with my mother and made me the person I am today.
2) My father is responsible. He always pays his bills on time. When he makes mistakes, he never asks anyone else to cover for him.
3) My father is generous. When someone is in need, my father gives.
4) My father loves God. He studies the Bible, and books about theology. He takes what he learns and applies it to his life.
5) When he is in need, emotionally, or physically, he turns to God.
6) He is fun. When I was a kid, we did a lot of fun things, like camping, going to movies, and museums.
7) He takes people seriously, rather than patronizing them. When I was a girl, my dad would always take me shopping. We would go car shopping or computer shopping, and he would be teaching me to whole time. The car stuff didn’t stick, but I owe my love of computers to him. I treasure those memories - I remember some of them specifically, like when we went to a computer store and bought the Tandy PC, which I used the crap out of until we bought our Windows Multimedia machine in Texas. Good stuff.
8) When I was 15, my dad listened to my mom’s vision and let us start adopting kids. Now, that has brought a lot of trials and tribulation into the house, but it is truly something of God - lives that belong to Him that could have fallen to the wayside. There are not a lot of men out there who would open their home to so many children from such different backgrounds, but my Dad saw that my mom’s desire came from God.
9) Then he worked harder than ever to support the growing family.
10) My father is real. When he makes a mistake, he says he is sorry.
11) My father is wise. When I was growing up, I idolized him, a bit. I listened to every bit of wisdom he tried to pass on to me. He would probably be surprised by how much I remember. Now that I am an adult, I realize that he is not God, but I see him as someone who really thinks about life, and listens to wise people, and passes on what he has picked up.

There’s probably a lot more, but I am finding it hard to put into words why my Dad is so great. The main thing is, he has always been there for our family. He’s a good provider and a good person. He’s feeling a lot of stress right now so I just want to say - I love you, Dad. You’re a good father. Keep your chin up!

Today's Agenda

2009-02-19T09:45:00.003-05:00

1) Catch up on English - as my least desirable class, it got lost in the shuffle of the past two weeks, with the rampant sickness and the Automobile issues (car is fixed and inspection up to date, it cleaned us out but it was WORTH IT)

2) Keep the house from falling into totaly disarray as Joe and Nicole are coming over tomorrow

3) Prepare two loads of laundry to take to Nan's tonight

4) Feed all the people.

5) Wash all the dishes.

6) Take Nan shopping (we have fun, though)

7) Attempt to do this while modelling Godliness to my kids and keeping them healthy and safe.

It doesn't sound nearly as bad when I put it down on virtual paper.

Boo's Birthday

2009-02-15T15:09:00.000-05:00

Hopping on Pop

2009-02-12T11:49:00.002-05:00

Our fifth day carless. The car is in the shop. I have to thank God that it broke down when it did, because it is costing everything we have left from our income tax to fix it. Honestly, though, I am not upset about that. It has been a long time building up. There are so many little things that needed done - a new emergency brake is one example, and also all new tires.

We are basically sitting here waiting for the mechanic to call saying the car is ready. We are all a little stir crazy.

I am pretty psyched - we ordered a couple boxes of food from Angel Food Ministries. It is a great way to get good food for a cheaper price. We paid on-line with our card, and will pick the food up next weekend in a local church. It will really help with our grocery bill last night - we got a lot of produce, which is so expensive regularly. If we are pleased with the food, I will make sure to order again.

I got to spend some time with my sister yesterday. She'll be leaving soon, and I will miss her again. I feel like it takes days to get even close to caught up. Ah, well, that's life.

Boo is progessing well with his reading. He read half of Hop on Pop to his father last night to show off, and Lee was duly impressed. I am so pleased.

Boys

2009-02-08T10:57:00.005-05:00

Boo and his daddy, circa 2003

Boo is 6 today. My beautiful tiny baby boy has grown into a wonderful young man. I realize 6 is pushing it to call him a man, but he is just such a pleasant person that to call him a boy doesn't seem like quite enough. May I say of my son that he is a good person: reasonable, intelligent, interesting, affectionate, obedient, and with a heart that is always looking for heaven. He loves God because "he defeats all the bad guys and makes really good apples". This is my son, and I thank God for the gift of him. Help me to remember that I don't own him, and to gracefully surrender him when then time comes.

That being said, the darling boy is in trouble right now. He had one of his rare fits yesterday. I am telling you this so that it doesn't appear that my children are perfect. Every now and then he gets stubborn. We were in the parking lot at Giant. I had given each of them a treat, because we were waiting for our dinner and they were hungry. Elijah wanted a second one, and I said no, because it would ruin his appetite. He argued with me "appetite doesn't matter". I then calmly informed him that he was grounded for two days. He flipped his lid, and started crying me, threatening that he wouldn' stop crying until I "took it back". I then informed him that he would be "talked to" by his father and would be sent to his room for the night when we got home. He then proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs in the Giant parking lot. I read a book until Lee got there. Punishment duly administered, etc, etc. It doesn't happen too often, but ocassionally my "perfect" child rebels.

Funny story. I get cranky sometimes (no, really?). Lee takes it very personally. And that annoys me, because I feel it should be obvious that I'm not mad at him - just at the entire world. This morning was a perfect example. We placed an order last night for a couple of books from Amazon (Linux certification book + DVD for Lee and Tales of Beedle the Bard, which I have waited very, very patiently for). Only thing is, our old address was still on the account and we didn't realize it. The website said we couldn't change the address anymore. Lee asked me if I would call them while he was at work. I wasn't thrilled about it, but was angry (at the world not Lee) about the situation. Lee caught the vibes coming off of me. "Why are you mad at me?" he asked. I tried vainly to explain that it was not him, but it didn't work.

Five minutes later, Lee's friend arrived to pick him up for work (car going into the shop on Tuesday, thank you God for good timing). His friend greeted me, and I waved back at him.

"Are you mad at me?" Lee's moderately innocent friend asked me.

Oh, boy.

Okay, so I guess it really is me. I better work on not projecting those feelings - poor Lee.

UPDATE: Incidentally, Amazon's customer service is neat - you push a button and they call you immediately. You don't have to pay for the call, and they know who they're talking to right away, because they called you. And the very polite gentleman with the very thick accent fixed my problem immediately. Good job, Amazon.

Sickies

2009-02-04T22:08:00.002-05:00

This Sunday, we went to a little Super Bowl Party with our friend Jon and his girl, Sesi. We had a lovely time. Sesi made a wonderful homemade salsa, and the game was very exciting. The Steelers won their sixth superbowl, woohoo! Go Steelers! I do care, a little bit. It's in my blood.

Boo and Julius came with us, and Olivia stayed with Nan. Lee was worried that Jon's place was too small to contain Olivia. She had a nice time with Nan, anyway.

When we got back to Olivia on Monday (my heart missed her every second we were away), she was sick. She had a fever and had slept much of the day after shopping with Nan and Aunt Mary.

We went to my mom's on Tuesday, Olivia still had a bit of a fever. I am really hoping we didn't get anybody sicker. Normally I would have kept them home, but I was very anxious to see my Sarah. She is in town for two weeks before heading out to Bolivia to work in the orphanage. Her husband is already "over there" or as the kids say "at war". If you think of it, say a prayer for our Uncle Curtis. We want him safe and happy, and to come home to Aunt Sarah as soon as possible. Curtis, if you get to read this, the kids and I pray for you daily.

Tuesday night, I got caught up on everything: homework, dishes, and emptying by hand the dank water that was in the washer. The broken washer. Dirty wash water is DISGUSTING. But all that grunt work broke through my funk and I am done with the whole moody thing I was doing all weekend.

Now it's Wednesday. Now it's Julius who has the fever. Poor little man has been in arms and nursing all day. I am so glad that we are still nursing, because there is nothing better for a sick baby. Nursing babies basically never get dehydrated because nursing is their comfort, and they will drink until they fall asleep. Mama and baby can both rest peacefully.

Good Deals

2009-01-30T08:19:00.003-05:00

Lee was at school all day yesterday. He came home and we made a crock pot full of pork and sauerkraut. Sauerkraut is absolutely disgusting, and I won't eat it. That's too bad because it's about the healthiest thing you can eat. It helps keep cancer away and is very nutritious. Anyway, then it was time for me to take Nan shopping.

We went to the K-mart in Enola, and we found some excellent deals. I have been needing some shoes. They have a large display of very basic shoes for only $5 right now. I got a pair of black flats for work and a pair of black heels. I am going to learn to wear them just in case I ever need to wear them for a party or something. (God forbid.) (But not really, God, if You have some ideas there or anything). I found two bras for only a couple bucks each.

We also found some amazing deals on kids clothes - Kmart had a large display of onesies for only 60 CENTS EACH. I asked why they were so cheap and she said they were from last year. (I was actually only asking the air but there happened to be s helpful salesgirl nearby.) We got one of each design in a large size for Jules to wear this summer, and two in a size he can wear right now.

We got two nice polo shirts for Boo at $1.50 each.

There were no girls clothes at these prices, sadly.

We are keeping an eagle eye out for nice, slightly more preppy clothes, because it seems we may be going to Washington DC for a little bit this summer for a possible internship for Lee, and we will need to look a little nicer so we can represent Lee well.

We will be able to get whatever we don't have yet at the K-MOMs sale in Mechanicsburg on March 14th - the huge gently used kids clothing and toys sale. We have been buying there all the clothes the kids need, plus presents for Christmas, Easter, and birthdays, for the last few years. It's a really good resource.

After our adventures at Kmart, we headed to the Giant in Enola. Mostly we were just grocery shopping, but we did find Barbie Peek-A-Boos for $1.74, down from 9.99. These will be put back for Christmas.

Good deals are a hobby that Nan and I share. Nan doesn't get into the Thrift store thing as much, but between the two of us we are able to find very good prices at retail stores, especially by shopping off season.

I have to work tonight, but I am hoping Lee gets home from school early enough that I can go see my sister this afternoon.

I think I may have mention that Julius is crawling - now he is also pulling all the way up and holding onto things to try and cruise around, getting down only when he needs to cross from one thing to another.

Things Happening

2009-01-27T16:28:00.004-05:00

Things are happening over here that are making Lee really happy and slightly stunned. Details are being ironed out. Possibilities are being raised. Lee is finding his way in the world, and I am soooooo stinking proud of him. I will post more on this as I find out more.

Right now I am making the ultimate comfort food: Cheapotato Soup. I got a back of potatoes from Nan that her work was going to throw out because they are the wrong size or shape to serve to the customers. I diced them, boiled them, and they are now cooking with a few cans of miscellaneous "cream of" soups, some random veg, and a little sour cream. YUM.

And my scrapbooking site had over 120 visitors yesterday checking out and downloading my goodies. Thanks to everyone for checking it out! Here are some examples of the kind of thing I am showing over there:

(These papers were created with brushes by Obsidian Dawn.)