Things I Want to Remember part 1

I am so grateful today. When I woke up yesterday morning - only four hours after going to bed - I realized pretty quickly that the pain would not let me sleep. I thought I was probably in labor. Lee and I woke up together around 6:30. If one can't sleep, mostly the other one can't either. We were both skeptical whether or not I was really in labor. Since all my pregnancies have ended with induced labor, we really didn't know what to expect. Around 7:30 I realized the pain wasn't going away and started communicating with my mom to try and determine whether her intermittent pain was bothering her today or not and whether she was going to be home when I dropped the kids off. Of course she made sure she was available, and Lee and I got the kids and the bags out the door. The kids were as happy to see Nana as she was to see them, and we dropped them off with no drama.

When we got to the maternity ward, they hooked me up to the machines to check baby's heart and time the contractions, and the pain I was feeling promptly dropped off. I felt pretty stupid. But the contractions started coming back, and they "checked" me around 10:00 am - I was already to 6 centimeters. One of the midwives that I was very comfortable with (Barb) was on duty, and they were keeping me. They asked how I wanted to manage the pain, and I told them that I like to hang out in the jacuzzi. They showed us to a room and got me set up in the jacuzzi.

The next four hours were very peaceful. Although the contractions were definitely escalating, they were very manageable in the hot water. I was able to quietly breathe through them and even feel sleepy in between them. When I got out of the water, the pain was much stronger and less bearable. I thought about why it is that God hasgiven chldbirth to us as women specifically. I thought about how the traits I need to mange labor are similar to the traits I have developed in my marriage - patience, calm, submission. Believing that there is a plan and things will be okay despite the fact that I can only feel turmoil and confusion. Just breathing and knowing that God is in control and everything will be okay. Pain, pain, rest, calm... breathe.

 Around 2pm, the midwife decided she wanted to move things along so she decided to break my water. I had to stay out of the tub, then, and the pain got much worse very fast. By 2:25, my body decided it was time to push. Although I had been fairly quiet until then, pushing involved gutteral screaming. Three scream-y pushes in ten minutes later, and we had a baby. It sounds insanely short. The pain is inexplicable. The relief is indescribable. The second the shoulders are out, nothing else matters. I am crying verbal praise to the Lord at this point. Quite literally.

And then there he is - the invisible presence who has been with us is suddenly a real human being: discolored, misshapen, and screaming in anger and confusion.

I have to be patient before I can hold him this time - there was meconium and he needs to be carefully looked over to make sure he is okay. Of course, he is okay. 7 lbs, 10 ounces, 19.5 inches. This is clearly a baby who has come at the right time. Earlier would have been too early. I am too full of relief to really be impatient. I listen to my dear husband - whose hand is probably bruised from the squeezing inflicted by mine during the pain - talking to the nurses about his camera while he pokes around getting pictures and videos.

Then finally they give him to me, skin to skin, to be nursed.